


Tell Me That You're Sorry Too

by TheBoysSawAComet



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-05-01 20:07:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19184701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBoysSawAComet/pseuds/TheBoysSawAComet
Summary: “What if I want to give you my number before we coincidentally run into each other 3 more times?” He asks. “Then maybe our running into each other will be a bit less coincidental.” Harry is about 87.6% sure they are flirting.“I think I’ll take my chances and make you wait.” He says.“Playing hard to get are we?” Louis asks and now Harry is 98.3% sure they are flirting. Harry shrugs.“All the fun is in the chasing.” Harry says cooly. Louis laughs and nods.“You’re right,” He says.ORThe one where Harry shows Louis what real love feels like, and Louis shows him right back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This is my first fic so give me feedback but also be kind. Hope you like it :)

“So, you’re sure you have everything you need?” Anne says as she tries to close the overstuffed dresser drawer closed.

Harry nods. “I’m sure.”

“Soaps? Cologne? Deodorant? Medicine in case you get sick? Disinfectant wipes? You know dorms really aren’t that clean.” 

“Yes, we bought all of that mum, you helped put it away remember?” 

“Oh right. Oh! What about air freshener?” She asks.

“We bought six bottles.” Harry reminds.

“Right. You have enough underwear? And socks for when it starts getting cold?”

“Yep.” 

“Oh darn, I think we forgot—“ 

“Mum,” Harry says, interrupting his mothers sentence. “Breathe, I’ve got everything I need.”

“Okay, and you’ll—“

“I’ll call you if I don’t. Yes, I know mum, I’ve got it,” He says smiling at her. She nods and smiles back at him, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. Harry’s eyebrows pull together. “Mum, please don’t cry.” He says pulling her into a hug. 

“I’m sorry, I promise I’m okay,” She says letting him go and looking around the small dorm room. “I just can’t believe you’re already in university and you’re leaving home.” 

“I’m not leaving home quite yet, mum, just for school. You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Harry jokes. Anne cracks a smile and hugs her son again.

“I love you very much, bean. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come. You’re going to do great.” She says, kissing Harrys cheek.

“I love you too, mum. I’ll make you proud.” He promises, holding her tightly. 

“Alright, I think I’ll get going now. Don’t forget that I left money for you to get snacks and things for your room. And make sure you finish putting away your clothes, you don’t want them to get smelly and wrinkled.” She says. Harry nods and promises her he will do as she asks. She hugs him tightly one more time, pinches his cheek, and then she is gone, leaving Harry alone for the first time in 18 years. He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly, and if he lets a few tears fall, well, no one can ever prove it. He decided to leave his room door open, in case someone wanted to come in and be his friend like he had seen in all of the tv shows set in university. He walks over to the pile of clothes on his bed and gets to work folding and putting away his trousers in his dresser, and hanging up his shirts in his small closet. 

After he’s done with his clothes, he works on trying to set up his new flat screen tv. He tried to stop his mum from buying it, but she insisted, claiming he deserved something new for making it to university. He pulls the tv out of the box and places it on top of his dresser, which is directly across from his bed. Harry was lucky enough to get a single dorm room, meaning he doesn’t get a roommate. First years usually don’t get single rooms, but Harry chose his room as soon as he was able to and since he was so quick to choose, he got the room. He plugged in the tv and turned it on and was met with a blank screen. Frowning, he pressed a few buttons, but the screen stayed the same. He tried to turn off the tv and turn it back on, but there was no change.

“What the heck.” He said to himself. 

“Oi, mate, you need some help?” A voice asks from behind him. Harry turns around and is met with the most beautiful boy he’d ever seen in his life. He had light brown hair, styled in a soft fringe, his eyes the brightest, prettiest shade of blue Harry had ever seen. His lips were thin, and pink and in a cute, friendly smile. Harry could see the tips of a tattoo on the boys chest peaking out from his low cut black t-shirt. He was wearing tight black jeans with holes in the knees, along with light blue vans. He was carrying a skate board with a gorgeous panting of a skull on the back. Harry thinks all of the air was sucked out of his lungs, because he couldn’t seem to make any sound come out of his mouth. The boy frowned a little and tilted his head to the side and Harry might pass out from how cute it is.

“Uh, you alright there lad?” He beautiful boy asks. Harry nods, slowly at first then quicker as his brain begins to work again.

“Er, yeah. Sorry, had a bit of a brain fart there.” Harry says, shyly. 

“All good, mate. So, how about it?” He asks.

“What?” Harry asks. 

“Need help? With the tv?” Louis nods his head toward the tv. 

“Oh! Oh, yes, that would be great. I’m really not good with technology.” Harrys says, laughing a little. Louis smiles and nods.

“’S’alright. Gets the best of us,” He said, putting down his skate board by the door and walking toward Harry. He moves to the tv and makes sure it’s plugged in, then he looks around the room for a bit before his eyes land on Harry’s hands. “Could I steal that from you for a minute?” He asks. Harry looks down and notices the remote in his hands, he had forgotten he was even holding it. He passes it over to the boy who smiles at Harry brightly. A few moments pass with no luck on the tv when the boy find the problem. “It’s on the right input, but there’s no internet cable.”

“Internet cable?” Harry asks. The boy nods and straightens up, looking at Harry.

“Yeah, you connect it from your tv to the internet box on the wall and then you’ll get all the channels the university provides. Unless you’ve got like an Xbox or something and you just planned on using Netflix?” He says and Harry shakes his head.

“No, I don’t have any gaming consoles.” He says.

“Alright, internet cable it is. They’re pretty cheap, I was actually heading to the store now if you wanted to tag along. We could come back and I could actually help you.” Harry nods, smiling wide because this beautiful boy he’s just met is asking him to come with him to the store.

“Yeah sure, that sounds great.” He says.

“Great! I’m Louis by the way.” He says, holding out his hand. Harry takes it and they shake hands.

“Harry,” He says. “Lovely to meet you.” 

“Likewise. Well, let’s get going, our items aren’t going to buy themselves.” The two walk out of Harry’s room, Louis waiting while Harry closes and locks his door, then they walk down the hall to the lift. Louis pushes the down button and steps back, waiting for the car to make it to them.

“So, is this your first year as well?” Harry asks. Louis shakes his head.

“No, I’m in my third year. You are quite tall for a first year.” Louis notes. 

“Yeh, I grow pretty fast. Youngest in the family, but tallest in the family.”

“You’re the youngest?” Louis asks, and Harry nods. “Aw, cute little baby Harry.” Louis teases and Harry’s heart might have stopped beating because Louis just called him cute. 

“Heyyyy,” He says. “I’m not a baby.” He states just as the lift dings, signaling that it’s finally there to pick them up. The doors open and the two step in, Louis pressing the button to the first floor. 

“What are you studying, curly?” Louis asks.

“Music Education. I’m gonna be a chorus teacher and a personal vocal coach.” Harry says. 

“Impressive, you’ll have to teach me a couple things, see if you’re up to the job.” Louis says. 

“How about you?” Harry asks.

“English education.” Louis says, smiling. 

“I wouldn’t have guessed you’d be studying that.” Harry says. The lift dings again and the two boys step out, heading out the door of the dorm and turning right toward the store not too far away. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Well, you seem quite cool for an English teacher,” Harry says, looking Louis up and down. “Have more of a punk rock look than an English teacher look.” He explains, and Louis laughs. 

“That’s true, I clean up nice, though.” Harry doesn’t doubt it, he can’t help but think about how nice Louis would look in a button up shirt and a tie, with black trousers fitting his bum perfectly. It’s almost too hot to handle. 

“Well, if I ever need help on an English paper, I know who to call.” Harry says. 

“Oh making up excuses to see me, huh? If you want to hang out, Harold, all you have to do is ask.” Louis teases, and Harry might have stopped breathing because he thinks Louis is flirting with him. 

“Not sure I know you well enough to just ask yet. I think we have to coincidentally run into each other a few more times before we get to that.”

“Oh? How many more times?” Louis asks. Harry thinks about it for a moment.

“I’d say maybe three more times.” He says.

“Three?”

“Yeah, three times. And then I can give you my number.” He says, feeling braver than usual. Louis raises an eyebrow.

“What if I want to give you my number before we coincidentally run into each other 3 more times?” He asks. “Then maybe our running into each other will be a bit less coincidental.” Harry is about 87.6% sure they are flirting.

“I think I’ll take my chances and make you wait.” He says.

“Playing hard to get are we?” Louis asks and now Harry is 98.3% sure they are flirting. Harry shrugs.

“All the fun is in the chasing.” Harry says cooly. Louis laughs and nods.

“You’re right,” He says. They finally make it to the store, and the boys walk straight to the electronics section, looking at the rows of cords, all with different uses. Louis picks one out and hands it to Harry. “This is the one you need.” He says. Harry thanks him and then follows Louis and they make their way to the food section of the store. Louis picks out small snacks, fruit roll ups, popcorn, biscuits, tea, and cherry pop tarts. Harry scrunches up his nose, making Louis raise an eyebrow.

“What?” He asks.

“The cherry pop tarts are gross.” He says.

“Well, which ones do you suggest?” 

“Definitely brown sugar. They’re superior in the pop tart family.” Louis laughs.

“Pop tart family huh?” He switches out the cherry pop tarts for the brown sugar ones. “Well, I’m putting my taste buds into your hands curly. These better be as good as you say they are.” He says.

“Don’t trust me?” Harry asks.

“Now, now Harold. Let’s run into each other coincidentally three more times before we establish trust.” Louis says as they start to walk towards the check out lines. They are standing there for a few minutes before Harry hears someone yell Louis’ name. Both boys look up at the sound and are met with a cute boy with bright blonde hair and pretty blue eyes. Harry knows some blue eyes that are prettier though. 

“Niall! How are you lad? How was your summer?” Louis asked the boy, pulling him into a hug. The boy laughs and hugs him back, Harry watching and wondering when Louis will hug him like that. 

“I’m great! Summer was legendary, was pissed for most of it though,” Niall says laughing, he has a thick Irish accent. “How about you mate? I should kick your arse for not calling or anything.” He says punching Louis lightly on the arm. 

“Oi, sorry mate, was pretty busy all summer, working. It wasn’t as fun as your summer sounds but it was pretty nice to just relax.” Louis said. Niall turned his attention to Harry and smiles. 

“Who’s this?” Niall asks.

“Harry,” he replies, holding out his hand for Niall to shake. “Nice to meet you.” He says and Niall grins. 

“You too mate!”

“Yeah, Harry is almost my friend, but apparently we have to run into each other a few more times before he gives in to actually being my friend.” Louis says teasingly making Harry’s face warm up slightly.

“Oh, playing hard to get huh?” Niall laughs and Harry’s face warms up even more. 

“Just joking around.” He says, smiling sheepishly. Louis and Niall laugh and slip into easy conversation, talking about their summers and catching up. Niall just finished telling a story of a bad hookup that had all the boys tearing up with laughter. It was finally their turn to ring up their items and they did so quickly, paying for them, gathering their bags and heading back to the dorms. 

“How’s Eleanor, Louis?” Niall asks. Louis smiles widely

“She’s great.”

“Who’s Eleanor?” Harry asks. 

“Louis’ girlfriend.” Niall says. Harry’s eyebrows raise and he looks over at Louis who is smiling down at his shoes. 

“You have a girlfriend?” Harry asks. Louis nods happily. 

“Yeah, been together since before Uni. I hadn’t heard about her in a while though. Everything okay between you two, Louis?” He asks. 

“Everything is great, yeah. She’s great.” He says and Harry can’t help the way his heart sinks. They weren’t flirting after all then, maybe Louis is just a naturally flirty person. He should have known, Harry didn’t even know if he was gay and here he was openly flirting, allowing himself to have a crush so quickly. That was so stupid of him, he was too eager, too fast. He needs to squish these feelings for Louis now before they get even deeper. He knows that he wants Louis in his life, even as just a friend, so he needs to do this or else he won’t be able to be his friend. Harry puts on a smile and looks at Louis.

“I’d love to meet her one day.” He says, even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. Harry is sure this Eleanor girl is wonderful, but he already knows it’ll make him sad to see the couple together. Louis’ eyes light up when he looks at Harry and it sends a pang right to Harry’s heart.

“That would be great! She would adore you.” He says grinning. Harry smiled back but it didn’t reach his eyes. He doesn’t know why, but Harry feels incredibly disappointed. Louis and him just clicked so easily and he seemed like he was actually interested in him with his flirting and him wanting Harry to tag along. It’s not that Louis was leading him on, but Harry really thought he had felt something there. 

They were almost back to the dorm now and Harry hadn’t said another word and Louis noticed.

“You okay over there Curly?” He asks.

“Hmm? What?”

“I asked if you were alright. You went all quiet.” He said.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine, just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“That’s fair, first time moving in can be rough. I’ll help you with your TV then get out of your hair.” He reassured. They reached the door of the dorm and Niall took a few steps forward, turning to the two boys.

“I’m gonna keep going lads. Haven’t unpacked anything, I’ll see you later Lou, and hopefully you two Harry, great to meet you.” He said.

“You too.” Harry replied and waved as Niall made his way down the street.

“Niall lives in the other dorm on the other side of campus.” Louis said, holding the door open for Harry to walk through. Harry nodded but didn’t respond, still feeling down. They walked to the lifts and pressed the up button, the doors opening immediately. Harry stood on one side of the lift and Louis stood on the other, pressing the button to their floor. The second the door closed Harry started sweating. He was in an incredibly small space with an incredibly attractive man, who also happened to be straight. All Harry could think about was crossing the three feet to Louis and licking his neck. God, it was hot in this lift. Why was it moving so slow? Louis looked up from the ground and his eyes met Harry’s and he smiled. Harry is going to pass out.

Finally the bell dinged and the lift doors opened, Harry quickly stepped out of the small space and into the hallway, walking toward his room without looking back. He made it to his door and he stuck his key into the doorknob to unlock it, his hand was shaking slightly. He shook his head, he needed to get it together, he was being ridiculous. His key wouldn’t turn and Harry frowned, beginning to get frustrated.

“Here,” Louis said from next to him. He reached out and brushed his fingers on Harry’s hand, reaching for the key. Harry pulled his hand away quickly and stepped back, smiling awkwardly. “Sometimes these locks get stuck and you kinda have to jiggle it a bit,” He said as he did just that. It took a few seconds but the key finally turned and the door finally opened. “Aha, there we go.” He said grinning and handing Harry his key. They walked into the room and Harry sat on his bed and watched as Louis began setting up the internet cord. Once the cord was connected to both the TV and the internet box, Louis turned the TV on and pressed a few buttons, turning it to the right input. Finally, a news channel popped up on the screen and both boys made a noise of happiness. 

“Oh! Thank you.” Harry said.

“No problem.” Louis replied, handing the remote to Harry.

“You’re, um, more than welcome to stay and watch TV. If you want.” Harry offered casually, flipping through channels. He saw Louis shake his head from his peripheral vision and he turned his full attention to him.

“Thanks, but I’ve actually gotta get back to my room, put away my snacks and unpack.” 

“Oh, okay.” Harry said.

“But, while I’m unpacking I’m gonna be plotting how to run into you soon.” Louis joked, making Harry crack a smile. 

“Good luck with that.” Harry said, standing and walking Louis the short distance to his door. Louis turned to him smiled.

“It was lovely to meet you though,” His hand made its way to Harry’s bicep and he squeezed, sending zings up and down Harry’s arm. “I’ll see you soon. Count on it.” Louis said, letting go of Harry’s arm. He winked at Harry and then stood on his skateboard and rolled down the hall to his own room. Harry closed his door and leaned his back against it, sliding down to the ground and putting his hands over his eyes. He laughed lowly.

“I’m doomed.” He whispered to himself.

***  
It’s 8:34 in the morning and Harry has a class in 45 minutes and he’s standing practically naked except for a towel around his waist and his shower shoes on his feet because he can’t figure out the shower in the communal bathrooms. He’s been trying for 10 minutes and you’d think that the university would make things like this simpler. He turned the knob for the millionth time and yet again nothing happened. He groaned and turned it the other way and still nothing. The bathroom door opened and closed but Harry paid no attention, just wanting to shower so he can make it to his class on time. 

“Mornin’ Harry.” A familiar voice said behind him. Harry spun around so fast he nearly fell and his towel almost unraveled before he caught himself and the edge of his towel. Louis stood in front of him in pajamas with messy hair and his toothbrush and toothpaste in his hand. He looked like a sleepy kitten, all soft edges and rumpled clothes. Definitely the cutest thing Harry had ever seen. 

“Oh! Hey Louis,” he said awkwardly. He placed his hand on the shower stall next to him and smiled. “How’s it going?” Louis raised an eyebrow and bit back a smile. 

“Good, good. Having trouble with the shower?” He asked. Harry turned to look back at the shower head then back to Louis. 

“Um, just a bit. Surprising they make this so complicated.” He said, earning a laugh from Louis. 

“Yeah, university is pretty weird. Here, let me help,” he said. He placed his toothbrush and toothpaste down on the counter and walked toward Harry. He placed a gentle hand on Harry’s bare waist and motioning for him to scoot over. Harry felt warm all over and he just knew his face was bright red. “S’cuse me love. Gotta get to the knob,” Louis smiled as Harry took a few small steps to the side. Harry watched as Louis pressed a button to the left of the knob then spun the knob, water finally coming from the shower head. He messed with the knob, using his other hand to feel the water until he was happy. “There we are, ready for a shower.” He said wiping his hands on his pajama pants and moving out of the way so Harry could take his shower. 

Harry smiled and thanked Louis softly before closing and locking the door and taking his towel off and placing it on the hook on the back of the door. He stepped into the shower and sighed in relief at the feeling of the hot water on his back, then reached for his strawberry scented body wash from his shower caddy. It wasn’t until he was nearly all the way soaped up that Louis spoke again. 

“So how was the rest of your weekend? Do anything fun?” Louis asked. Harry looked up in surprise, he had thought Louis left already. 

“Um, no not really. Just watched some bad TV, ordered some takeout, found my classes and stuff so I wouldn’t get lost. Nothing special. How about you?” He asked. 

“I just went to a few welcome back parties.” 

“Oh, sounds fun.” Harry responded, now beginning to wash his hair. 

“Eh, it was alright. Was missing someone the whole time. Would have been more fun if he were there,” Louis said. Harry’s hands stopped moving, his heart pounding. He heard Louis clear his throat. “But, um, you excited for your first day of uni classes? What do you have first?” He asked. Harry shook his head and returned to his hair, washing the bubbles out and spreading some conditioner through his curls so they were soft and bouncy. 

“I have English 230 at 9:15, then I have Music 152 at 11:30, then Math 118 at 3.” Harry stated already having his schedule memorized. 

“Oh cool, that’s not a first level english class, did you take AP classes in high school?” Louis asked. 

“Uh yeah, I think I’m gonna get my endorsement in english.” Harry said as he washed out the conditioner and turned the water off. 

“Nice, well if you need any help with papers or anything, don’t forget I’m an english teacher.” Louis said, making Harry smile. 

“I’ll remember that,” Harry said while he dried himself off and stepped into his shower shoes. He gathered all of his products and placed them back into his shower caddy before unlocking the door and stepping out of the shower. Louis was sitting on the sinks picking at his nails, his toothbrush and toothpaste sitting next to him. “You waiting for me?” Harry asked, walking up to the sink next to Louis and getting out his own toothbrush and toothpaste. 

“Well, I wanted to ask a question.” Louis said, watching Harry from his seat on the sink. Harry nodded coolly as he squeezed some toothpaste on his toothbrush while his heart began to rabbit in his chest. 

“Sure, what’s up?” He asked, beginning to scrub his teeth. 

“Does this count as the first coincidental run into?” He asked. Harry looked at Louis then to the ceiling, making a pondering noise in the back of this throat. He waited all the way until he had finished brushing his teeth, and even his tongue, to respond. 

“Well, even though we live in the same dorm and running into each other in the bathroom is less coincidental and more inevitable,” He looked at Louis and grinned. “I suppose it can count as the first one.” He said, earning a face-splitting grin from Louis, who quickly collected himself and smiled softer. 

“Nice, nice. So, two more times and I get your number?” He asked. 

“That was what we agreed on.” 

“Cool, well then I’ll see you later. Gotta get to class. Have a great first day,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s bicep just like the first day they met. “You smell nice.” He said, before winking and walking out of the bathroom. 

Harry let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and shook his head, chuckling a little. He looked at the time and saw he had just about half an hour before his class. Picking up his shower caddy and walking out of the bathroom and back into his room, he began to get dressed. Putting on his favorite vanilla scented lotion before he put on a maroon short sleeved button up over a gray t-shirt with black skinny jeans and swiping deodorant under his arms. He walked up to the small mirror on his wall and lightly combed through his hair, making sure his curls had no tangles, before he fluffed it up with his hands so he had some volume when it dried. He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt before he decided to just leave it unbuttoned, liking the more casual look. He checked that he had all the right books and notebooks in his bag before shoving his feet into his favorite pair of white converse, putting his key into his jeans pocket and leaving his dorm, making his way to his first university class. 

***

Harry arrived at his first class with 5 minutes to spare. The professor wasn’t at the lecture hall yet so he didn’t have to rush to find a seat and he chose one right in the middle of the lecture hall seats. He took out his notebook and a pen, as well as his laptop and decided to scroll through twitter while he waited. It wasn’t long before his professor entered the room and he began passing out syllabi.

“Good morning! Everyone is here for English 230 right? If not, now is your time to run away before it’s too late,” Harry smiled a bit while the rest of the class laughed. Seems like the professor is lighthearted, that’s a relief. Harry opened a tab on his laptop for notes and began jotting things down. “I’m Professor Greenburg, I’ll be your instructor for the semester. I have a TA, but he doesn’t seem to be here yet— no wait, here he is. Class, this is Louis Tomlinson, he’ll be your TA which means he’ll be grading your papers and answering any questions you have during class. You can also email both of us if you have any questions outside of class. The information for that is on the front page of your syllabus.” 

Harry’s head snapped to the front of the room, immediately landing on Louis, who stood before the lecture hall in dark jeans, black vans, a The Fray band tee with a black blazer on top. He also had glasses perched on his nose that made him look studious, professional and outrageously sexy. Louis made eye contact with Harry immediately, where he cracked a small smile and winked at him, before sitting down next to the professors desk and taking out his own laptop.

“Right, for next class I’d like for you to read chapter one in your books. If you haven’t had the opportunity to purchase the book yet, a scan of chapter one is available on our class website. All we’ll be doing today is going over the syllabus, so once we’re done with that, you’re free to go.” The professor said. Harry considered this a good thing, as there was no way he’d be able to focus with Louis Tomlinson in the room. 

***

Going over the syllabus took an almost comedic amount of time, and left Harry squirming in his seat and constantly checking the time. All of which Louis caught on to and caused him to flash Harry cheeky little smiles through the whole class. The second the professor dismissed the class, Harry shot up out of his seat and down the few stairs to the front of the class, right in front of Louis.

“Oh hello there Curly! Fancy meeting your here.” Louis said grinning at Harry, causing his heart to lurch in his chest which Harry definitely ignored.

“Oh don’t give me that. I have half a mind to say that this doesn’t count as a coincidental run in, since you knew I was in this class this morning.” 

“Hey, there are 8 sections of English 230, I didn’t know you’d be in this one.” Louis defended.

“Yeah, okay, whatever. How many of those sections are on Monday’s, Wednesday’s, Friday’s at 9:15?” Harry asked. Louis pursed his lips for a moment and watched Harry’s face.

“One.” He finally said. Harry huffed out a laugh and threw his hands up.

“Oh yeah, real coincidence.” He said crossing his arms over his chest.

“Y’know, this would be a lot easier if you would just give me your number.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Louis asked.

“Because the fun is all in the chase.” Harry said matter-of-factly. Louis pursed his lips again.

“Fine. But does this count as coincidence number two?” This time Harry pursed his lips, considering. Then Louis stuck his bottom lip out in a pout and all of Harry’s stubbornness went out the window. He was useless, and already wrapped around Louis’ little finger.

“I guess.” Harry mumbled. Louis grinned and fist pumped the air.

“Yes! Okay wonderful, I’ve gotta run, I’ve got office hours in like 5 minutes so I’m chained to my desk. I’ll coincidentally run into you later. Bye sweetcheeks.” Louis said, gathering his things. He squeezed Harry’s bicep once then disappeared into the sea of University students, leaving Harry to wonder what just happened. 

“Sweetcheeks?” Harry muttered to himself before walking out of the lecture hall. 

*** 

The weirdest thing about being in college is the time you have between classes. Harry had spent the entirety of his short break just wandering aimlessly around campus. He supposed that later on in the semester he would have homework he could catch up on during his breaks, but on the first day, there really was nothing to do. There was this cute little cafe on campus that he found where he got a cup of coffee and a scone and sat people watching until it was time for his next class. He was most excited for this class since it was music and that was his major. He couldn’t wait to learn at a collegiate level. 

The class was much smaller than his English class, and there was no sign of Louis, so Harry was able to actually focus on what the professor was saying. She was the sweetest, heavier set American woman who adored all types of music. She had pictures of her family and her animals all around the room and Harry could tell she and him were going to get along great. The teacher first had everyone go around and introduce themselves and their major, then she went over the syllabus, then she had taken everyone individually out of the room to see what their vocal range was and their experience, and then class was over. As Harry was heading out of the building and toward the Universities dining facilities, he felt a small hand on his bicep. He looked over, expecting to see Louis but instead met eyes with a another man.

“Oh, hello.” He stopped, smiling politely.

“Hi! I’m Liam, I just wanted to introduce myself. You seem so nice and I wanted to make a friend.” He said. Harry smiled wider and extended his hand, which he shook.

“I’m Harry. You’re in my Music class right?” He asked, the pair beginning to walk slowly.

“And your English class, I noticed you while you were talking to the TA.” He said. 

“Oh well nice to meet you. Are you a freshman as well?” Harry asked, Liam shook his head. 

“I’m a sophomore. I changed my major to music over the summer so I’m taking all introductory classes.”

“Cool, what was your major before?”

“Business management.” Liam said. 

“Wow, sounds boring.” 

“Compared to music? It is. So what class do you have now?” Liam asked. 

“Oh, I’m free till 3, I was gonna go grab lunch if you wanted to join.” Harry offered. 

“Sure, sounds great.” Liam said, and the two quickened their pace to the dining hall. 

Once they were there, the decided to pick a table out before they got food, finding a four person table next to a large window overlooking their campus. Then Harry went to search for something to eat. He settled on a strawberry chicken salad with poppyseed dressing and a strawberry lemonade. He also decided to treat himself with an M&M cookie. Liam apparently decided he was going to carb-load, as he had a huge bowl of pasta and a large piece of grilled chicken on the side with a glass of water with his meal. 

“That’s a lot of food, pal.” Harry said, taking a bite out of his salad.

“Oh, I’m bulking up. I love working out, just trying to gain some weight before I start my cut.” He said around a large bite of chicken. Harry nodded and took a swig out of his strawberry lemonade. They ate in silence for a few minutes before Harry heard his name. 

“Oi! Harry!” He heard. He turned around and was met with a furiously waving Niall and a smirking Louis next to him. Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes before he waved back as the two approached Liam and Harry. 

“Hi Niall, hi Louis.” Harry said, looking at Louis. 

“What a coincidence.” Louis teased. Harry narrowed his eyes. 

“You know, I’m beginning to think you’re stalking me, Tomlinson.” Harry said. 

“No, never, I just really want to be your friend Harold,” He said sweetly before looking toward Liam. “How rude of us, hello, I’m Louis Tomlinson, nice to meet you.” He said, extending a hand toward Liam. 

“I’m Liam, new friend of Harry’s.” Liam said. Louis turned back to Harry with accusing eyes. 

“So, Liam gets to be your friend no problem, eh? Not very fair, Harry.” He said, making Harry shrug. 

“Would you two like to join us?” Liam asked, making Harry shrink in his chair a bit. 

“Sounds great! Thanks mate.” Niall said, plopping his plate down next to Liam and sitting in the seat, leaving no other option for Louis except to sit next to Harry, which he did. Niall and Liam has already gotten into an animated conversation about fitness, so it was just Louis and Harry. 

“I believe you owe me a phone number, Curly.” Louis smiled, batting his eyes. 

“Are you this persistent with everyone you meet?” Harry asked. 

“No one else has ever made it this difficult. People are usually rushing to give me their numbers.”

“How narcissistic of you.” Harry said, making Louis roll his eyes. 

“Phone please.” He said and held out his hand. Harry sighed and pulled out his phone from his back pocket, placing it into Louis’ hand. Louis grinned and quickly typed his number into Harry’s phone then texted himself so he had Harry’s. 

“There, now we’re texting buddies.” He said making Harry laugh. 

“Texting buddies?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be texting you all the time, non-stop.” He teased. 

“Oh god.” Harry rolled his eyes as he took another bite of his salad. Louis watched him take a bite and lick the excess dressing off of the side of his mouth and thumb, licking his own lips before he looked back at Harry’s eyes. 

“What’s with you and strawberries?” Louis asked, eyeing Harry’s salad.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve got strawberry shampoo and body wash, and now you’re eating a strawberry salad with a strawberry lemonade? Got a strawberry kink or something?” He asked, making Harry blush.

“No, I don’t have a… strawberry kink. I just like strawberries. They’re my favorite fruit.” He said.

“You even blush a the color of a strawberry,” Louis pointed out, making Harry blush more. “Do you like strawberry lube as well, because that stuff is terrible and I’d be impressed if you liked it honestly.” Harry’s blush deepened further and he shrugged.

“I wouldn’t know.” He said.

“Oh what, do you prefer bubblegum or something?” Louis asked.

“No.” Harry said simply. There was a pause between the two boys, where Louis watched Harry and Harry wished the floor would swallow him whole.

“Harry, are you a virgin?” Louis asked quietly. Harry groaned and covered his face, but nodded nonetheless. 

“Yes, it’s really embarrassing.” Harry admitted, still covering his face. He felt Louis pulling his arm so he uncovered his face and looked at Louis through his lashes.

“No it’s really cool, impressive honestly.” Louis said. 

“Really?” Harry said, skeptical.

“Definitely, it takes a lot of will power to wait for the right lass to come along for you to give it up like that. Props to you.” Louis said, patting Harry’s back and oh my god. Louis Tomlinson actually thinks Harry Styles is straight. Harry wasn’t sure if he should tell him that he’s gay or if he should just keep it to himself. But before he got the opportunity to speak, Louis began talking to Liam and Niall about a footie match they all wanted to go to, so Harry just dropped it and joined the conversation.

By the time it was time to go to Harry’s last class, they had all agreed to go to the University footie match on Friday together, and go to the pub afterwards, and Harry was actually really pumped. He found out that Liam lives in the same dorm as he and Louis and that he would definitely be in Harry’s room a lot since he has a roommate and Harry doesn’t. It felt really good to be able to make friends this quickly, and Harry didn’t feel so lonely anymore. 

He said goodbye to all of the guys and began making his way to his math class when Louis stopped him.

“Harry! Wait up!” Louis yelled, jogging up to him. “I’m going to same way, mind if I walk with you?” He asked.

“Sure.” He smiled at him and they began walking to the math building together.

“So, how was your first day of university?” Louis asked.

“Pretty good, I’m hoping math doesn’t ruin it. I hate math.”

“Me too, it’s a good thing you’re getting it out of the way quickly. You only have to take one math class since you’re an arts major.” 

“I know, that’s amazing, I’ll be able to get math out of my life forever after this semester.” Harry laughed and Louis joined him. 

“My girlfriend is a math major and I don’t know how she does it. Math everyday, all day. Dedicating the rest of your life to equations and numbers, sounds like a nightmare. But she loves it.” He said and Harry’s smile dropped a fraction. 

“Sounds horrible.” He said.

“So, you never had a special girlfriend or a friends with benefits sort of thing that made you wanna lose your virginity?” Louis asked, and Harry just simply shook his head. “Have you ever had a girlfriend?” He asked and again Harry shook his head. Which wasn’t a lie, he’s never had a girlfriend. He’s had boyfriends. But none special enough to give something that important away. “Have you ever been kissed?” Louis asked and Harry nodded. His first boyfriend in his Junior year of high school took his first kiss. He also happened to be his first heartbreak that Harry doesn’t like to think about. “What was she like?” Louis asked. Harry looked up and met Louis’ eyes that seemed genuinely interested. Then Harry noticed they had stopped walking and were in front of the math building. Harry looked at the time and saw he only had about seven minutes before class.

“Shoot, I’ve gotta go. Sorry, we’ll catch up later!” He said and scurried off to get to his class in time. Once he had made it into his seat and received yet another syllabus he took a deep breath. He definitely needed to tell Louis that he was gay and soon. Even if they were never going to be a thing, they were still friends and he doesn’t want to keep things from him. 

The math class ended pretty early since they just went over the syllabus, which is a good thing because Harry was spaced out the entire time. Once he got out of class, he took out his phone and sent Louis a text.

Harry: Hey, come to my room when you’re not busy? Wanna talk to you about something.

Louis: Sure, I’ll meet you there now. See you soon xx

Harry pocketed his phone and made his way quickly back to his room, rehearsing what he was going to say the entire time. Even though he was out to everyone important, it was still an incredibly scary thing to come out to someone new. You never know what their reaction will be. He didn’t think this was going to end negatively, but he hoped that it would go well, he really wanted Louis in his life. 

When Harry finally made it to his door, Louis had beaten him there, leaned up against the doorframe, playing what looked like Angry Birds. He looked up when he heard footsteps and smiled brightly at Harry.

“Hey Curly.” He said. 

“Hey Louis,” Harry smiled back. Louis stepped out of the way so Harry could unlock the door and stepped in after Harry. “You can just sit down wherever.” Harry said. Louis nodded and sat on Harry’s bed, watching him while Harry took his shoes off, put away his book bag, fluffed his hair and leaned against the dresser across from his bed. Harry took a deep breath and played with his bracelets nervously before looking up and meeting Louis’ eyes. 

“I already value your friendship so much and I don’t want there to be secrets between us,” Harry started. “So I want to tell you something that is a pretty big part of my identity and who I am as a person,” He said. Louis nodded, encouraging Harry to keep going. “Okay, so, I’m gay. I always have been. My first kiss was with a boy named Elijah. He was also my first heartbreak for reasons that I don’t want to talk about now, but hopefully I will be able to share with you, given you still want to be my friend. But here’s something you need to know about me. I am not ashamed of myself, in fact I’m proud of my identity, and if you decide that you no longer want to be my friend because of who I love then that’s on you but I’ll feel sorry for you. But never for me. So, yeah. That’s it.” Harry said, taking another deep breath and waiting for Louis’ response. 

“Harry I don’t care if you’re gay. I grew up in a house full of women, most people who have met me think I’m gay. I want to be your friend because you are a nice person. I could care less who you choose to snog in your own time.” Louis said, and Harry blew out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

“Good then. I’m glad you feel that way.” He said.

“C’mon mate, bring it in,” Louis said, standing from the bed and crossing over to Harry, throwing his arms around his neck. Harry wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist and bent down so Louis didn’t have to stretch on his toes. He buried his head in Louis’ neck and breathed in. Cinnamon. Louis began to let go too soon and reluctantly, Harry unwound his arms from Louis, smiling at him. “Well, let’s lighten the mood a bit yeah? How about a horror movie?” Louis asked, making Harry raise his eyebrows.

“A horror movie is supposed to lighten the mood?” Harry asked.

“For sure! You can laugh at all their bad decisions and terrible acting,” He said, getting a laugh from Harry. “So, yes to scary movie?” 

“Yes to scary movie.” Harry said as Louis cheered. 

“Great! Give me a second, I’m gonna change into sweats and bring over my collection. Be back in a flash.” He said and darted out of the room. The time Louis was gone gave Harry a moment to breath and take in what just happened, and to make some popcorn. He had just poured the kernels into a bowl when Louis skipped back into the room.

“What did you bring for us?” Harry asked.

“I brought Nightmare of Elm Street, Paranormal Activity, and Insidious. Pick your poison.” He said, holding up all three DVD cases.

“Gotta go with Elm Street.”

“Ooh, a classic man. I like that,” Louis winked then put the DVD into the player and then hopped on the bed, shoving a fistful of popcorn into his mouth. “Oh yum, I love kettle corn.” He said around his mouthful as Harry climbed onto the bed with him. University beds are really small so he was forced to sit pretty near Louis, which he didn’t necessarily mind, but did make it difficult to keep a clear mind. 

Watching the movie with Louis had to be the most comedic experience Harry had ever had with a horror movie. He cracked every joke he could think of and pointed out every plot hole and every bad actor and left Harry in stitches. Throughout the movie, Louis had gotten closer and closer and now was in a small ball with his head in Harry’s lap. Harry couldn’t tell if Louis was sleeping or not but it had been quiet for longer than five minutes and the movie was about to end so Harry figured he was. The ending credits finally started and Louis didn’t move and Harry was honestly at a loss of what to do. He looked at the tiny boy laying on his lap and felt the butterflies he tried so hard to calm swirling around his tummy again. He looked so beautiful sleeping in this soft light from the TV. Harry reached a finger out and brushed his fringe out of his face and tucked it behind his ear, marveling at the sprinkle of stubble on his jaw and his light but present freckles across his face. His lips, thin but pink and they looked pillow soft and Harry can only imagine what they feel like pressed against his own. He very slowly and carefully ran the tip of his finger across Louis’ bottom lip, and watched as Louis slowly smiled, as if he were dreaming about something incredibly pleasant. Harry found himself smiling softly back, glad that Louis was having a good dream. But it was time to wake him up.

Harry gently shook Louis’ shoulder until he saw Louis’ eyes begin to blink open. Once Louis’ eyes focused on Harry he smiled at him and yawned.

“Hello there Curly.” He said, his voice a bit scratchy.

“Good morning sleepy head,” Harry replied, making Louis laugh lightly. “Have a good nap?” 

“Definitely. Best pillow ever. Sorry I zonked out on you though. And right at the good bit of the movie. I’ll have to make it up to you for our next movie night, equipped with coffee.” He said, sitting up and stretching. 

“I’ll hold you to it.” Harry replied. 

“What classes do you have tomorrow?” 

“Music 187, Music 201, and Chem 100. You’re not TA-ing any of those are you?” Harry joked.

“Only in your dreams. I’m gonna get going. I’m glad your first day was good. Talk to you tomorrow.” He said, squeezing Harry’s bicep as always before leaving Harry in his room. 

“Bye Lou.” Harry whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day went much the same as the first. All of his classes just went over the syllabus, and he even met Liam again for lunch. He and Louis’ schedules sort of ran over each other so they didn’t get a chance to hang out, but Louis made up for it with his texts, constantly filling Harry’s phone with bad jokes and puns. Classes got more serious fairly quickly and everything became a huge blur and before they knew it, Friday was here and it was time for the game. They all decided to meet at Niall’s dorm after classes, since he was closer to the stadium and since his dorm was structured more like a flat. Their plan was to go to Niall’s and drink a bit before the game so they could get a good buzz going. Well, all of them except for Harry, since he didn’t drink. He’ll be more like the mother and look after all the drunk children. 

“Sure you don’t want a beer Harry?” Niall asked, offering Harry a can of cheap beer. Harry wrinkled his nose and shook his head.

“No, thanks.” He said. Niall shrugged and opened the beer, taking a swig.

“More for us.” He said.

“Yeah! More for us!” Louis yelled making Niall scoff.

“Shut up Louis, you’ll be pissed after like two beers, you lightweight.”

“Not everyone can drink twice their body weight in alcohol, you Irishman. It’s in your genes.” Louis argued, slurring sightly, causing everyone to laugh. 

“Well slow down for now mate, we want you coherent for the game. Wait to get pissed for the pub.” Liam said patting Louis’ back, earning a grumble. 

After about an hour of waiting around Niall’s dorm and Louis sobering up a bit, they headed over to the game and got to their seats quickly, all buzzing with excitement for the first game of the year. Louis leaned into Harry’s space, obviously not as sober as he was supposed to be.

“Harry.” He whispered.

“Yes Louis.” Harry replied.

“Why don’t you drink?” He asked.

“I don’t like the taste or the feeling. I also really don’t like throwing up so there’s that too.” Harry said.

“So, you’re a virgin and a good boy. You are every mans dream Harold.” Louis said just as the players ran out onto the field and the crowd began yelling along with Louis. Harry decided to ignore his stomach doing cartwheels at what Louis just said, and joined the excitement. He would just ask Louis what he meant later on. 

*** 

Later on ended up never really happening. Their University’s team won which means their whole group stumbled their way to the pub in a half tipsy, excited, yelling blur. Once they got to the bar and picked out a booth there were drinks flying and more people yelling and celebrating and Harry never got to ask Louis what he meant. So he just smiled and munched on the chips they ordered for the table and enjoyed the drunken banter. They had been there for a while and the water Harry was sipping finally got to him, so he excused himself to the loo. He was washing his hands when Louis walked in, smiling as soon as their eyes connected.

“Heyyyy, I was looking for you.” He said, walking over to Harry. 

“I told you I was coming to the loo.” Harry laughed, grabbing a paper towel and drying his hands off. He turned around and found Louis directly behind him. Harry gasped and leaned slightly against the sink he had just used.

“Did you?” Louis asked, blinking slowly.

“Uh, Louis?” 

“Wow, your eyes are so green. Even got little flakes of blue in them. Never noticed that before.” He said, leaning closer to Harry, their noses almost touching.

“Lou.” Harry said firmly. Louis had begun playing with Harry’s bracelets. 

“Hmm?” He said, his eyes barely open at this point.

“You’re drunk.” 

“Yeeess.” Louis giggled. 

“Okay, c’mon.” Harry gripped Louis’ waist to move him to the side but Louis was surprisingly stable and wouldn’t budge. He hummed and placed his hands on either side of Harry’s waist, trapping him between his body and the sink. Louis leaned into Harry’s neck and sniffed deeply. 

“How is it that after a full day of classes, a footie match, and a night at the pub, you still smell like strawberries?” He asked softly. Harry gulped, not being able to breath anymore. He was painfully hard and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He couldn’t think clearly, what the heck was going on.

“Lou…” Harry trailed off softly. Louis hummed again and slowly traced his nose along Harry’s jaw, all the way up until his nose was beside Harry’s and his lips were a breath away from Harry’s. His right hand had slowly made its way to Harry’s waist and Harry really couldn’t breath anymore, which is concerning because he might actually pass out if Louis gets any closer. Louis let out a soft sigh and somehow his breath smelled sweet despite the alcohol. Intoxicating. Harry began to lean in the rest of the way.

“Oi, sorry lads! I’ll find another loo.” Some random guy yelled. The two boys sprung away from each other, Harry leaning against the sink for support, breathing heavily. 

What the fuck.

“What the fluff, Louis?” Harry said, still having a hard time slowing his heart. Louis began to giggle.

“Fluff?” Louis laughed.

“I don’t swear.” Harry said.

“Of course you don’t, you lovely, lovely boy.” 

“Louis— what? I don’t understand—“ 

“Shhhhhh.” Louis said, giggling while he skipped away and out of the bathroom. 

What just happened.

Louis tried to kiss Harry is what just happened. 

Maybe Louis is a sexual drunk and he tries to makeout with everyone. That seems like the most logical situation since he seemed completely out of it. This can never happen again, Louis has a girlfriend. And he’s also not gay. And god Harry’s hard on will not go away. He squeezed himself through his jeans and whimpered. There was no way he was going to get off in a pub bathroom, but he also knew this wasn’t going to go down anytime soon. He untucked his shirt and pulled it as far down as he could, then he readjusted himself so it was less obvious that he was outrageously turned on. He would have to wait till later to deal with this. He splashed some cold water on his face and took a deep breath before walking out of the loo and back toward his friends.

Louis looked completely normal and innocent and drunk when Harry returned, like absolutely nothing happened.

“Harry! Where’d you go? Some bloke hold you up in there?” Niall joked. Louis decided till just then to look up and make eye contact with Harry.

“Something like that.” Harry said still watching Louis. 

The rest of the night went normally. No more drunk, turned on Louis cornering him in the loo and soon enough, Harry was dragging Louis out of the elevator and to his room. He was talking to himself and stumbling everywhere and was pretty much useless. Niall wasn’t kidding when he said Louis was a lightweight. They made it to Louis’ door and Harry leaned Louis against the doorframe.

“I need your key Lou.” He said quietly, trying to get Louis to look him in the eyes.

“Gotta find it.” Louis slurred then giggled. Harry sighed and rolled his eyes before pushing his hands into Louis’ back pockets, earning a squeal that he smiled at. He had no luck so he placed his hand in Louis’ left front pocket, then the right.

“Ooh, is that a banana or are you just happy to see me?” He asked slowly. 

“People are supposed to say that to you Louis.” Harry said pulling out Louis’ key and putting unlocking the door.

“Eh, details.” He said as Harry resumed dragging him forward. He put his key on his desk before he placed Louis onto the bed. Harry looked around for Louis’ trash bin and placed it next to his bed. He then went to Louis’ mini-fridge and pulled out two water bottles and also placed them next to Louis’ bed. Finally, he searched through his snack cabinet and found some crackers and placed those next to the bed as well. 

“See you later, Lou.” Harry said, beginning to walk away.

“Harry wait.” Louis whined.

“Yes Louis.”

“I can’t get my clothes off.” He whined, genuinely sounding near tears. Harry sighed, and turned back to Louis, watching him try and fail to take his skinny jeans off over his shoes. 

“Okay, stop. I got it,” Harry said. He unlaced Louis’ shoes and slipped them off his feet, then moved to his jeans. Popping the button and unzipping the fly then pulling them down and off his feet, placing them on his chair at his desk. He then helped Louis sit up so he could slip his shirt over his head, ignoring all of the filthy images his brain was creating at this situation. He helped Louis into his bed and pulled the covers up to Louis’ chin. He brushed his hair off of his forehead and smiled. “Get some rest Lou, talk to you tomorrow.” He said, putting Louis’ shirt on top of his jeans and heading for the door.

“Goodnight beautiful boy.” Louis slurred quietly just as Harry closed the door. He sighed and then made his way to his own room, unlocking the door and stepping in. He didn’t bother turning his lights on since he was just going to end up going to bed. He toed off his shoes, and took off all of his clothes finally getting the opportunity to be naked. He plopped in bed, brought his covers up high, and finally, finally got a hand around himself.

He had been waiting all night to be able to wrap his hand around his cock and take off the tension he was feeling. He was pretty much hard for the rest of the night after the Louis thing, his mind coming up with every single dirty scenario it could possibly conjure up. Now he could finally let his mind run wild with no repercussions. He went to the hottest one he thought of, which was dragging Louis back to the loo, locking the door, dropping to his knees and sucking him off. Harry placed two fingers in his mouth just thinking about it, he needed more hands, he needed someone to tweak his nipples. He moaned around his fingers thinking of Louis playing with his nipples until they were hard then swirling his warm tongue around the little nub. 

Pre-come had started to drip out of Harry’s slit and Harry dipped his fingers in it, creating more slip, relishing in the delicious friction. After he sucked Louis off right up to the edge, he would get up, pull his jeans and pants down, bend over the sink, and beg him to fuck him so hard and deep he would forget his own name. Harry took his fingers out of his mouth and placed them at his entrance, only teasing for a moment before pushing one inside, needing to feel filled up. His moans quickened as he pumped his fingers in and out at the same pace as his hand on his cock. He added a second finger inside of him, drinking in the feeling of being filled, wishing that it was Louis’ cock instead. He imagined Louis gripping his hips and slamming into him over and over, demanding he say his name.

“Oh god, Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis…” Harry whimpered, quickening his pace. He thought of how dark Louis’ eyes would get, and how possessive he would become, reminding Harry that he was his. Peppering love bites down Harry’s back as he pumps quicker and quicker into Harry. Then as Louis got deliciously, achingly close, he would command Harry to come, and he would and then Louis would follow and he would fill Harry up with it. 

“Oh God!” Harry yelped as he came harder than he ever had. He stroked himself through his orgasm, having a hard time catching his breath. Once he was finished Harry’s body went limp, he didn’t even bother cleaning himself up, he just turned over and immediately fell asleep. He’ll just wash his sheets tomorrow.

***

Harry was playing Angry Birds and waiting for his laundry to finish when Louis texted him. He pouted but looked at the message.

Lou: Hey :)

Harry: You made me lose in Angry Birds

Lou: So sorry, I’m forever in your debt

Harry: Without a doubt

Lou: Whatcha doin?

Harry: Laundry

Louis didn’t text back so Harry shrugged and went back to Angry Birds. That was short lived though since Louis skipped into the laundry room a few minutes later. 

“Mornin’ sweetcheeks.” Louis said brightly.

“It’s nearly 2.”

“Yeah and I woke up 15 minutes ago.” 

“How was your night?” Harry asked, Louis shook his head.

“Don’t wanna talk about it, I’ll probably have to burn my trash bin.” 

“Gross.” Harry said.

“Yeah, hey, I wanted to thank you for taking care of me. I can be pretty difficult when I’m drunk.” Louis said.

“No problem mate, what are friends for,” Harry said. “How’s your girlfriend? Eleanor, is it?” He asked, watching Louis’ expression. He cringed a bit but composed his face just as fast.

“She’s good. Talked to her before I texted you. Why do you ask?” 

“Just wondering, was surprised she didn’t join us at the pub last night.” Harry said. He wanted to see if Louis was going to talk about what happened or if he was just going to sweep it under the rug. 

“Yeah, not really her scene. You’ll meet her one day, I’m sure of it.” He said. 

“Oh yeah for sure. But you had fun last night? You were really out of it. I had to take care of you a bit in the bathroom.” Harry said. Louis froze for a moment, avoiding eyes contact with Harry.

“Did you? Must have blacked out. Sorry if I was a burden.” He said. Okay, so we’re not going to talk about it.

“No problem at all.” Harry said, turning back to his laundry. They sat in silence while Harry changed his sheets from the washer to the dryer, put in his coins, and started the machine. 

“It’s the first week of school, why are you washing your sheets?” Louis asked.

“They got dirty last night,” Harry said without thinking. He quickly looked at Louis who had his eyebrow raised. “I mean, no that sounded wrong. I didn’t mean like that, just that, you know, they smelled dirty, because I smelled gross and—“ 

“Stop,” Louis said holding his hand up. “You don’t need to explain to me what you do in private.” Louis said laughing and sitting on one of the washers. 

“I hate you.” Harry laughed, turning bright red.

“Please, you couldn’t hate me if you tried,” Louis said. Probably true, but Harry wasn’t about to tell him that. “So, what are you up to today?”

“Um, this. And I’ll probably do some homework so I don’t have to worry about it tomorrow.” Harry said.

“Homework? Seriously?” 

“Well yeah, I’ve got those chapters in English, I’ve got some music theory stuff, and I’ve got a few math problems to do.” He explained.

“Wow, busy boy already, huh?” Louis asked, Harry shrugged in response.

“I guess. I just like to stay ahead of the game.” He said.

“That’s fair. Well do you think you’ll be busy around 7?” 

“Um, probably not. Why?” 

“Oh, there’s this little restaurant right off of campus that I think you’ll love. You should come get dinner with me.” Louis said. Harry frowned and stared at Louis. What was this, a date? Was Louis asking Harry on a date? Louis the straight guy? Louis the one with a girlfriend? Louis the one who almost kissed Harry last night while he was blackout drunk. 

“Dinner?” Harry asked slowly.

“Yeah.”

“Like… a date?” There was a pause, then Louis laughed a little.

“No, not a date Harold. I have a girlfriend. And I’m not gay. So, no. Not a date. Just two pals hanging out and eating. At night.” He explained. Harry frowned again.

“Okay then. Sure, I guess. Sounds good.” Harry said.

“Great! I’ve gotta run. I’ll knock on your door at 7. Wear something pretty.” Louis said, hopping down from the washing machine. He squeezed Harry’s bicep then fast walked out of the laundry room, leaving Harry confused. He frowned to himself for a bit before he took out his phone and dialed Liam.

“Hellooooo?” Liam sang.

“Hey Liam, wanna meet me for lunch at the dinning hall?” Harry asked.

“Sure, I’ll meet you there in like 30?” 

“Sounds good, see you there.” Harry hung up. He had about 15 minutes left in his drying cycle, but he considered taking his sheets out early. He really wanted to talk to Liam, get some kind of advice, just talk to anyone about this. It was hard to keep up with Louis and how he was actually feeling and if he’s gay and if he even knows if he’s gay. Harry needed to figure this out soon before his feelings catch up to him, and he could feel them rapidly catching up to him. He had never felt this kind of pull to another person in his life, never felt so connected in such a short time. He didn’t want to end up falling for this guy but never be able to get him. If this is just Louis’ personality and he’s just this flirty with everyone Harry needed to know before disaster struck. Liam seemed very grounded and even though they’ve only known each other for a few days, Harry felt he could give him some advice that would really help. Felt Liam actually cared about him already. 

The dryer finally buzzed and Harry rushed to get his sheets out and get back to is room. He tossed the sheets onto his bed, promising himself he would make his bed later. He shoved his legs into some jeans and swiped some deodorant under his arms before grabbing his keys and heading out the door to the dining hall.

He wasn’t really hungry so he just got a bowl of cereal and waited for Liam, who showed up shortly after with a huge tray filled with carbs.

“Hey Harry, you alright?” Liam asked already beginning to stuff his mouth.

“Yeah I’m alright, you?” 

“I’m good. So what’s up?” 

“I just wanted to talk to you about something. About Louis.” Harry said, stirring his cereal.

“Are you talking about your big ass crush on him?” Liam asked casually. Harry dropped his spoon in his cereal and his eyes went wide.

“What?” 

“Oh come on, I see the way you look at him. It’s sweet.” He said genuinely. Harry shook his head then cleared his throat.

“Okay, then yes. It’s about that. Do you think Louis might not know he’s gay?” Harry asked.

“Why?” 

“Well, um, last night at the pub he kind of cornered me in the bathroom and nearly kissed me,” He said slowly, watching as Liam’s grew wide. “But we were interrupted by some random guy, and also he was super drunk. And he says he doesn’t remember much about last night but when I mentioned the bathroom he, like, tensed up.” Harry said.

“Okay.”

“And also, he asked me out to dinner tonight. But he says it’s not a date, and that we’re just two pals eating together at night.” He says. Liam chewed for a minute and thought to himself.

“Doesn’t Louis have a girlfriend?” Liam asked, Harry simply nodded. “Alright. Well I’m not sure. He could be into you, but also he’s got a girlfriend and that could just be his personality. If I were you, I would just see how it goes. Also, I mean, if you want to try it, you could come onto him and see what happens, but that’s really on you.” Liam said.

“I probably won’t do that. But I’ll be open. I just don’t want to overstep my boundaries.” Harry said.

“Does he know you’re gay?” 

“Yeah, I told him a few days ago.”

“Does he know you have a crush on him?” Liam asked.

“I would imagine he does.” Harry said, feeling his face heat up, making Liam raise his eyebrow.

“Why?” 

“Well, in the bathroom, I wasn’t necessarily, um, subtle… about how much I liked him being that close to me.”

“Oh, so you got hard-on,” Liam said, laughing lightly. Harry covered his face and nodded. “Well, maybe he actually was drunk enough to forget.”

“I hope so.” 

“Well, honestly Harry, if him being handsy and flirty with you without telling you what’s actually going on is okay with you then cool. But if it’s starting to actually bother you or make you feel emotions that you know he can’t reciprocate, I would talk to him and cut it off. I would hate to see you get hurt because of this. Louis is a great guy and it’s obvious he cares about you too and I don’t think he would intentionally hurt you. But if he’s just messing around to have fun and doesn’t feel the same, he could end up hurting you on accident and it could ruin your friendship. I care about both of you and I care about your friendship, so I don’t want to see it end because of a miscommunication.” He said.

“You’re right. I won’t say anything unless I need to. Thanks Li.” Harry said, smiling at him.

“Of course. Now go get some real food, that cereal looks sad.” He said. Harry laughed and got up to find a sandwich.

***

Harry had fluffed his hair at least 6 times and it still wouldn’t lay the way he wanted. He groaned and ran his hands through his fringe again and shook out the sides, looking in the mirror and deciding that that was as good as it was going to get. His floral shirt looked good on his torso and the black jeans that he was wearing made his legs look impossibly long. He was just sliding his boots on when there was a knock on the door. He quickly sprayed some of his favorite cologne over his neck and chest and swiped some chapstick over his lips, then he opened the door, meeting Louis’ eyes that were widening. He let out a low whistle.

“Wow, you clean up well Curly.” He said taking in Harry’s whole outfit.

“Thanks, you look nice too,” Harry said smiling softly. “Ready to go?” He asked.

“Definitely.” Louis said, stepping out of the way so Harry could close and lock his door behind him

“So, where are we going?” Harry asked.

“This little Thai place that I love. You like Thai right?”

“I love it.”

“Wonderful, wonderful.”

“So, why are we doing this? Not to sound rude or anything, I’m just curious.” Harry asked.

“I just want to get to know you better.” Louis said and Harry nodded. He didn’t really understand Louis. This felt like a date. Even Harry’s nerves felt like this was a date, but Louis insisted it wasn’t. Insisted he wasn’t gay. He tells him to get all pretty, picks him up, says he looks nice, is taking him to a nice restaurant. And as much as Harry didn’t want to, he was really starting to like Louis, in a non-friend way. In a dangerous way. And the butterflies in his stomach only confirmed that. Maybe he should bring up the almost kiss, just to get Louis’ perspective on the whole thing. 

The pair were quiet during the walk to the restaurant, commenting every now and then on a flower or an interesting person they saw. The restaurant they were eating at was small and intimate. It had dim lighting and the color palette was filled with deep reds and purples with gold accents, all of the patrons were talking fairly quietly. It was incredibly sweet and charming and romantic. Harry’s heart lurched in his chest when he stepped through the door. This is literally a date. Maybe Louis was going to come clean and tell him that he is closeted and that his girlfriend was fake but that he liked Harry and he wanted to come out and be with him and live happily ever after. Maybe Louis was just scared. Maybe—

“El!” Louis exclaimed, cutting off Harry’s train of thought. He looked to where Louis’ eyes were trained and was met with a pretty petite brunette with a bright smile headed straight for the two boys. 

El. As in Eleanor? As in Louis’ girlfriend Eleanor? So she was real, and Louis is actually in a relationship and he really isn’t secretly gay and Harry is crazy. Eleanor walked right up to Louis and the two kissed and Harry’s heart hurt, but he painted on a smile just in time for her to look at him. Louis had his arm wrapped possessively around her waist and had a small smile on his face while she spoke.

“You must be Harry. Hi, I’m Eleanor, Louis’ girlfriend.” She said sweetly, holding out her hand for Harry to shake, which he did.

“Great to meet you.” Harry said simply.

“So, shall we go find our table?” Louis asked. Oh no, this was dinner with Louis and Eleanor? Meaning Harry was the third wheel with his crush and his crush’s stupid girlfriend. This is absolutely not how Harry imagined this night going. 

“Sure.” Harry said, and the three made their way to the back corner of the restaurant to a small booth. Harry slid into one side with Louis and Eleanor across from him. This was way too awkward to be real. 

“So, Harry, tell me about yourself.” Eleanor began, disregarding the menu completely.

“Um,” Harry started awkwardly. “I’m a music education major. I’m 18, I’m from Holmes Chapel. Um, I don’t know.” Harry laughed, beginning to fidget with his bracelet, a nervous habit. Just then the waitress walked up and introduced herself.

“Hello, I’m your server, Dana. I’ll be taking care of you tonight. Can I start you off with something to drink or are you ready to order?” She asked.

“Well, we know what we want, but Harry do you know what you want?” Louis asked, looking at Harry expectantly. 

“Um,” Harry glanced down and picked the first thing he saw. “Yeah, I’ll have the spicy chicken curry with a water please.” He said. Louis and Eleanor quickly ordered as well and the waitress hurried away to prepare the drinks. 

“So, Louis, how did you find this restaurant?” Harry asked. Louis laughed and grabbed Eleanor’s hand.

“We came here on our first date back in high school. Best Thai food I’ve ever tasted.” Louis said as Eleanor giggled. Harry refrained from rolling his eyes.

“Of course you did. How cute.” He said, sipping the water that the waitress just dropped off. 

“Do you have a girlfriend Harry?” Eleanor asked.

“Nope. Prefer men.” Harry said bluntly.

“Oh, I apologize. Do you have boyfriend?” She corrected. 

“Nope.”

“Well, do you have your eye on anyone? I know coming to college for the first time can open your eyes to new people.” She said. Louis cleared his throat and shifted sort of uncomfortably but composed himself quickly. Harry frowned at that, wondering what that was.

“Um, yeah I’ve kind of got my eye on someone. But I don’t think it’ll work out.” He said.

“Oh why not?” 

“Not sure he plays for my team.” Harry explained, looking to Louis when he said that.

“Well you never know, he could just be afraid.” Eleanor said. Harry smiled and nodded.

“That’s very true Eleanor, that’s a great way of thinking.” Harry said. Their food came and Harry ate in silence while the couple spoke quietly to themselves. Louis was right, the food was delicious but Harry had a bitter taste in his mouth because of this situation. He honestly just wanted to go home and bury himself in his covers and never come out. He can’t believe he got himself stuck in this third wheel situation. He needed to get away. He sneakily pulled his phone out while Eleanor and Louis ogled at each other and texted Liam.

Harry: Help

Liam: What’s wrong? Are you okay?

Harry: I’m stuck at dinner with Louis and Eleanor. He didn’t tell me she was coming, help me.

Liam: Hang on, answer the phone when I call.

Harry waited a few seconds before his phone began ringing.

“Hey Liam, what’s up.” Harry answered.

“Hi, I’m pretending I’m deathly sick and need your help because you’re the mother hen of the group. Oh no my poor stomach, I ate too many carbs. Barf sound barf sound.” Liam said dramatically. Harry had to try hard not to laugh.

“Oh no, are you okay?” 

“Try and refuse and make it seem like you actually wanna be there, gag sound barf sound.”

“But I’m out to dinner with Louis and Eleanor, are you sure you can’t take care of yourself?” Harry said. The couple began to notice the conversation now and was watching Harry with concerned eyes.

“I’m insisting you skip out on your third wheel date and come take care of fake sick Liam by watching movies and talking shit about boys. Barf sound.” Liam said.

“Okay, okay, relax. I’ll be there in 15. Drink some water. See you soon.” Harry said before hanging up. 

“Everything okay?” Louis asked.

“Liam needs my help. He’s got some sort of stomach thing and he needs me to take care of him.” Harry said.

“Oh, is Liam the boy?” Eleanor asked, making Harry laugh loudly.

“No, Liam is just a friend.” Harry said beginning to slide out of the booth.

“Did you want me to come?” Louis asked.

“No! No, it’s okay. Enjoy your date. I’ll catch up with you later.” Harry said. He tossed a few bills onto the table, waved one more time, and walked away as quickly as he could without running. Once he was outside he took a deep breath and groaned, rubbing his eyes. He took out his phone and texted Liam.

Harry: I love you. I owe you.

Liam: Bring some mini starburst with you and consider your debt paid.

Harry chuckled and pocketed his phone, heading for the nearest minimart. He quickly paid for the candy and made his way back to his dorm, going to the floor above his room to get to Liam. He knocked on the door and it opened immediately, and Harry was met with a sympathetic puppy face.

“Hey, H,” Liam said, opening his arms and offering a hug which Harry gratefully accepted. “You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah I’m fine, kind of pissed off to be honest.” 

“I would be too. I know he doesn’t know you’re into him, but he could have at least told you she was coming,” Liam said, Harry nodded in agreement. “Well, I’ve got Iron Man cued up, so get your butt in this room and forget about all your boy troubles.” He said smiling. Harry laughed and did as Liam told. He just wanted to forget the awkward night and enjoy a superhero movie, then go to his room and sleep forever.

***

Harry had just plopped down into his bed after watching Iron Man with Liam when someone knocked on his door.

“Go away,” Harry muttered to himself just as there was another knock. Harry groaned and got up, opening the door and meeting the soft blue eyes he’s beginning to like too much. “Louis.” He said in surprise.

“Can I come in?” Louis asked. Harry nodded and stepped to the side so Louis could come in. He sat on Harry’s bed and Harry sat in his desk chair, waiting. “I checked on Liam because I was worried.”

“Did you?” Harry asked. “That was kind of you.” 

Louis nodded. “Yeah. Seemed fine.” He said, holding Harry’s gaze.

“Yeah, he’s feeling much better. Must have just been food poisoning.” Harry lied.

“Food poisoning,” Louis repeated. Harry nodded slowly, not knowing where this was going. “Liam isn’t a very good liar. I figured that out pretty quickly. I know he wasn’t actually sick,” Louis said. Harry didn’t respond, didn’t really know how to. Didn’t know what Louis was getting at or why it mattered. “Why did you skip out on our dinner?” He asked.

“I dunno.” Harry shrugged.

“You’re not a very good liar either Harry,” He said. Harry again didn’t respond. “Tell me the truth.” He said softly. Harry was at a loss for words. It’s not like he could tell him that he didn’t want to go on a date with Louis and his girlfriend because he had a big stupid crush on him and it sucked to see him with this girl. He was jealous. But how was he supposed to tell that to Louis? He was beginning to panic trying to think of a good enough lie and his brain short circuited. 

“You tried to kiss me last night.” He said quickly. The silence this time was a lot heavier. He watched Louis’ face go through a few emotions and watched his mouth open and close as he tried to come up with something to say. The silence felt like it went on forever before Louis put on a blank face.

“No I didn’t.” He said. Harry frowned.

“Yes you did. In the bathroom. You, like, cornered me and almost kissed me.” Harry said.

“I,” He paused, struggling to find words again. “I was so drunk. I barely remember anything. Even if I did, which I don’t think I did, it wouldn’t matter because I was drunk. It doesn’t mean anything.” He said.

“Why would I lie about this?” Harry asked. They were met with another weighted silence before Louis spoke.

“What does this have to do with why you bailed tonight?” Louis asked.

“I don’t know. I just thought I would let you know that it happened.” Harry said, feeling small now.

“Well it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything. I was drunk.” 

“You said that already.”

“I just want to make sure you understand.” He said.

“Why?” He asked. Louis struggled for a moment.

“I… just… don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” He said. That struck Harry and all of a sudden he didn’t feel small, or cornered. He felt angry.

“Wrong idea? Are you kidding?” He asked.

“Wha—“ 

“Louis, the way that I feel about you stems from the way you treat me. You don’t even understand how confusing you are. You call me pet names, you always want to hang out, you touch me all the time, you invite me out to a dinner date because you want to get to know me better, you don’t tell me that you’re bringing your girlfriend. What am I supposed to think after all of that? That you’re just my buddy, lad, pal? No! You almost kiss a man in a pub and he’s gonna think there’s something going on, Louis.” Harry said. Now Louis was the one who looked small.

“I… I’m sorry you feel that way. I did say it wasn’t a date—“ 

Harry laughed humorlessly. “Just go.” He said. Louis visibly deflated.

“Harry…”

“Leave, Louis.” Harry said, not even being able to look at him anymore. Louis didn’t respond, he just got up, and walked to the door. He put his hand on the doorknob but didn’t leave yet.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I know you’re angry, but I hope you forgive me one day.” He said before opening the door and walking out, closing it behind him. Harry’s eyes began gathering tears but Harry sniffed hard, not allowing himself to let them fall. He got up and took his clothes off, crawling into bed and pulling the covers over his head. Curling up into the smallest ball he could manage and forcing himself to fall asleep and forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for continuing to read if you are, and for the kudos and comments! Another update soon :)


	3. Chapter 3

About three weeks had passed since Harry blew up on Louis. Which meant that it had been about three weeks since Harry talked to Louis and he was kind of miserable. To be fair, he was the one who was avoiding Louis. At first, Louis texted and called Harry non-stop, even coming to his door and knocking relentlessly. He tried to catch Harry at the end of English but Harry always snuck out of the back door of the lecture hall so he couldn’t. It sucked, because there was still this pull to Louis that Harry felt all the time. The need to be near him was so prevalent that he almost gave in a lot, nearly everyday. But he knew that he needed to distance himself to save himself from a heartbreak. If he spent more time around Louis, he was going to fall for him and he just couldn’t let that happen. 

The only upside to this situation is that he got a lot closer to Liam. Close enough to tell him about the worst time in his life, and he didn’t tell very many people at all about that. They spent nearly everyday together and every break together as well, which was great for Harry who was trying to be as distracted as possible. What time he didn’t spend with Liam, he was studying and doing homework. Being alone was more difficult, since it was hard not to open his phone and send Louis a text. So he kept his hands busy, always writing. Mostly music, he had begun writing songs again which he hadn’t done since high school. It probably wasn’t a good thing, but it kept him busy so he allowed it. 

English was the worst part of his week since it was impossible to avoid Louis’ gaze. That was where he was heading now. It was Friday morning, last day of the week. He only had to deal with Louis for an hour then he got to run away and avoid him for a whole three days. He walked into the lecture hall and made his way to his seat. Louis was already there but Harry pretended he couldn’t see him and trekked forward. He could see a small pink object on the table where he sat. It was a small bag of strawberry flavored jelly beans. He turned it over and saw a pink post-it note with the words, “I’m sorry. Please talk to me.” Harry looked up to where Louis was sitting at the front of the class and the two made eye contact. Louis smiled softly and mouthed the words “I’m sorry” to Harry. 

Harry sighed, slid into his seat, looked at Louis as he opened the bag of jelly beans and popped one into his mouth. Louis grinned and mouthed “Thank you” as class started.

The lecture passed by fairly quickly. Harry met Louis’ gaze multiple times throughout the class whenever his eyes flicked over to him. He knew that he was actually going to have to talk to him once the class was over, which was right about now.

“Okay, your papers are due in two weeks from today. Don’t forget, you can email myself or Louis if you need any help. Have a great day guys.” The professor said. Harry gathered his things into his bag, slower than usual, trying to figure out what he was going to say to Louis. He made his way down the few stairs to the front of the class, up to Louis’ desk. The lecture hall was fairly empty now, only a couple more students lingering around, putting their things away. 

“Hey.” Louis said once Harry stopped in front of him.

“Hey.” Harry said softly.

“Can we talk?” He asked. Harry nodded and waited as Louis put his things in his bag and gestured for Harry to follow him. The two boys walked down the hallway and then down a set of stairs. Louis turned left and down another, smaller hallway, all lined with similar looking doors. They stopped at a door at the end of the hallway with “Louis Tomlinson” on the name plate. Louis unlocked the door and stepped into the small office, flipping on the light. The room was small but warm looking. There was a desk on one wall and a small comfy looking chair across from it. Marvel and band posters littered the walls. There were multiple fruit scented candles spread around the room, and a small grey shag carpet on the floor. It was very neat, very unlike Louis, but very personable. Harry took a seat in the chair and placed his bag at his feet, continuing to observe the small room.

“Do you like it?” Louis asked. Harry nodded.

“It’s very neat, but cozy. I kind of expected your office to be a mess.” He admitted.

“Yeah, I like to keep my professional life organized. Organization is everything as a teacher. You should have seen it when I first got here. It looked like a prison cell. Didn’t help that there isn’t a window since we’re in the basement.” Louis said. 

“Well it doesn’t feel like a prison cell anymore.” Harry reassured. Louis nodded and there were a few, what felt like very long, seconds of silence. 

“Look, I need to apologize,” Louis started. He sat down on the edge of his desk, facing Harry. “I’ve been thinking and talking to Niall over the past few weeks that we haven’t been speaking and I realized that you’re right. I was leading you on and speaking to you and acting towards you in a way that probably isn’t the most appropriate. I know that I almost kissed you that night in the pub, I was super drunk. And that’s not an excuse to me trying to take advantage of you, and I’m sorry. I would hate to make you feel something for me that I can’t reciprocate. I really value you as a friend, but that’s it. Not only do I have a girlfriend, but I’m not gay. I just want to make sure you understand that, and also understand that I’m deeply sorry for being an asshat. I don’t want to lose you as a friend, Harry. So, do you think you can forgive me?” He asked.

There was a long moment of silence between the two boys, Louis waiting for Harry’s response and Harry trying to figure out how to respond. Finally, Harry sighed deciding to just let it go.

“Sure, I forgive you Louis.” He said. Louis smiled brightly, fist pumping a little to himself.

“Great! I’m glad, I didn’t want to lose you,” He said. Harry nodded and smiled a little. “Well I have office hours right now but afterwards did you maybe want to grab lunch?” He asked. And honestly, for the first time in a long time, Harry didn’t. He didn’t want to get lunch with Louis or hang out with Louis or talk with Louis or just spend time with him in general. It felt like the apology he was given made the tension between them feel heavier. Somehow, it didn’t make Harry feel better at all, even though he knew Louis was being sincere, and now he just didn’t want to be around the other boy. 

“Um, I can’t actually. I’ve gotta work on some homework that I didn’t finish last night before my other classes.” Harry lied easily. Louis’ shoulders sagged a bit before he replied.

“Oh, okay. Well if you’re free and you wanna hang out, let me know.” He said. Harry nodded again and stood up from the chair.

“I will. I should go though. I’ll see you later. Thanks for the jelly beans.” Harry said, smiling through tight lips. Louis nodded and Harry pushed the office door open, closing it behind him. He stood outside in the hallway for a few moments, taking a few deep breaths, before he walked back the way he came. 

This sucks. Harry really didn’t want to lose Louis, and he technically hasn’t, but their friendship isn’t going to be the same. Harry doesn’t even want to hang out with Louis anymore. Even when they weren’t talking he wanted to hang out with Louis but something about that apology really switched his mindset. He already knew Louis wasn’t gay, he also already knew that Louis didn’t have feelings for Harry, so why did that apology discourage Harry so much. Harry shook his head, he needed to just drop it. Obviously after not talking for a few weeks, they weren’t going to go right back to being inseparable. He was back at his dorm now, the walk feeling shorter than usual because of his mind swirling. He wasn’t planning on actually doing his homework, but he probably should since he hasn’t been the most focused lately. 

Harry sat at his desk and took out his text book, a notebook, and a pen and began studying. Not five minutes had passed when Harry’s phone began to buzz in his pocket. He sighed, putting his pen down and looking at his screen, Liam was calling.

“Hey Li.” Harry said, leaning back in his chair. 

“Hey, I heard you and Louis finally talked.” He said.

“That was like 20 minutes ago, how did you hear that already?”

“Louis told Niall and Niall told me.” Liam said.

“Do you two have anything better to do than gossip?” He asked.

“Not really. So, how do you feel?”

“I don’t know,” Harry sighed. “Kind of bummed actually.” He said.

“Really? I thought you’d be happy.” 

“Yeah, I did too. But, like, his apology felt really anti-climactic.” 

“How do you mean?” 

“Like, I don’t know. Like, I know Louis isn’t gay, and I know he’s not into me, but, like, I didn’t expect the apology to be so blatant about that stuff.”

“What did he say?” Liam asked.

“That, like, he was sorry that I felt he led me on and took advantage of me in the pub, and that he wasn’t gay and that he wanted to be my friend but that’s it. And even though I already knew all of that stuff, it still sucked hearing him say it.” Harry admitted, running his fingers through his curls.

“I’m sorry H,” Liam said, his voice soft. “So, what now? Obviously, things aren’t going to go completely back to normal.”

“Yeah, no. I guess I’ll just try to be as normal as possible. I agree with him, like, I don’t want to lose him as a friend. But right now, I don’t know, I don’t really want to be around him.” He said. 

“That’s fair. You want me to come over and keep you company?” Liam offered.

“No, don’t worry about it, Li. I’ll see you in class.” Harry said.

“Okay, see you later, H.” Liam said before hanging up. Harry sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. He rubbed his eyes and looked back at his homework, deciding to keep working on it for the duration of his break. He hoped things would go back to normal soon because this sucked. 

***

It had been another few weeks and things were finally back to normal. Louis had caught on to Harry’s mood and a week after he apologized he showed up at Harry’s door and just hugged him until Harry finally cracked and hugged him back. They had a full movie marathon after that and the tension was lifted. 

Harry had finally figured out how to keep his emotions about Louis in check and now he didn’t spend the whole day thinking about how much he liked him. Those thoughts crossed his mind every once in a while but Harry thinks he’s finally beginning to get over Louis and is coming to terms with the fact that they’ll probably not ever be together. 

Now, Louis, Niall, Liam, Harry and even Eleanor were at a house party. It was a pre-Halloween party since it was mid-October now, and even though Harry wasn’t much of a partier, he was actually enjoying himself. He was sitting next to Liam on a couch, watching all of the people, a cup of orange soda in his hand. His legs were draped over Liam’s right thigh and one of Liam’s arms was draped over Harry’s shoulders and his other hand was resting on Harry’s thigh and if people didn’t know them, they would probably look like a couple. They have gotten even closer over the last couple weeks, nearly spending every day with each other and sharing platonic touches more often than not. Louis was standing across the room in a circle with 5 or 6 other people, passing around a blunt and Niall was moving around the room, talking loudly and laughing with pretty much everyone. Harry could tell Niall was already pretty drunk even though they had gotten there not too long ago, and he smiled softly to himself. 

Niall came over and plopped himself on the couch next to Harry and he placed a wet sloppy kiss on his cheek.

“Harry! How are you, you beautiful boy?” Niall slurred.

“I’m good Niall,” Harry said wiping his cheek. “How about you?”

“I’m great! So many great people here. I love it. Are you enjoying yourself?” He asked, and Harry nodded. Niall then got into an animated conversation with a pretty redhead sitting on the other couch and Harry stopped listening. Just then he noticed Eleanor across the room talking to a handsome man with soft looking hair. He watched her as she laughed and touched his shoulder, the man stepping closer to her in response. Harry frowned as he watched the two people.

“Eleanor is pretty close to that guy isn’t she?” He asked to no one in particular. Niall looked up and over to where Harry was watching the couple.

“Yeah, she’s just kind of like that. We’ve stopped saying anything about it.” Niall said casually.

“What do you mean she’s just like that? Like what?”

“Flirty. Most of her friends are guys and she flirts with all of them. Just her personality I guess.” 

“That doesn’t bother Louis?” Harry asked, frown still having not left his face.

“It still bothers him, he’s just given up saying anything.” 

“So this happens a lot?” 

“He hasn’t told you?” Niall asked. Harry looked at the blonde boy in confusion.

“Told me what?”

“Eleanor has cheated on him quite a few times.”

“What?” Harry asked, eyes wide. “Why is he still with her?” He asked. Niall shrugged.

“I tried for a while to get him to let her go, but he keeps saying no, that he needs her. Whatever that means. So, I just stopped trying, I’m always there for him if something happens though. It’s weird though, because he never seems upset that she’s slept with another guy, just like he’s inconvenienced, you know?” He said, before turning back to the redhead and continuing his conversation. Harry watched as Eleanor grabbed onto the guys hand and led him through the crowd and upstairs. His eyes flicked over to Louis who was also watching Eleanor with a small frown on his face. Niall was right, he didn’t look hurt or angry, just sort of annoyed. 

Just then, Louis turned and made eye contact with Harry, his frown melting into a small smile. He began making his way to Harry, with each step Harry’s heart beat a little faster. Louis finally made it to Harry and he placed himself in his lap, which was awkward considering Harry’s legs were over Liam’s. Harry quickly adjusted them so his feet were now flat on the ground and both of the boys were more comfortable, his arms finding their way loosely around Louis’ waist.

“Hello, Curly.” Louis said softly into Harry’s ear making him shiver.

“Hey Louis.” He said back.

“You’re making me jealous over here, cuddling up to Liam.” He said. Harry chuckled and looked down at Louis hands, shaking his head.

“How drunk are you Lou?” 

“More high than drunk.” He murmured. He kept getting closer and closer to Harry with each word, shuffling around in Harry’s lap, making Harry have to pinch himself to keep calm. Maybe he just needed to not be around Louis when he was any kind of intoxicated, since obviously Louis gravitated toward Harry. 

“I should get you home.” Harry said.

“Don’t wanna go home,” Louis frowned. “Wanna stay here in your lap.” Louis whined. 

“Okay, Lou. Keep those hands where I can see them though.” Harry said, leaning back and relaxing against the couch, wrapping his arm tighter around Louis’ waist. Harry joined in on the conversation with Niall and the redhead, getting into an argument about whether cats or dogs were the better pet. It’s cats, obviously. Louis was fairly quiet, only weighing in a few times but mostly just listened. At some point he started to run his fingers through Harry’s curls, scratching lightly at the nape of his neck subconsciously. It felt wonderful, probably too wonderful, but that was probably because it was Louis. 

Louis slowly leaned back so his back was flush to Harry’s chest, moving his fingers from his hair and began tracing his fingertips lightly on Harry’s forearms, and beginning to play with his fingers. Harry looked down at the smaller boy and saw he was blinking slowly, looking at Harry’s fingers. Harry watched as Louis very slowly, picked up Harry’s hand, and placed feather light kisses to the pads of each fingertip, making Harry’s heart jump. He then began tracing his palm for a while, then, seeming to catch himself, dropped Harry’s hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Tired?” Harry said softly into Louis’ ear, making him jump a little.

“A bit.” He said, sounding much more sober now.

“Wanna leave?” Harry asked. Louis nodded and stood up from Harry’s lap, Harry standing after him. 

“Leaving?” Liam asked, looking up at Harry. 

“Yeah, we’re both pretty tired.” He said. 

“Want me to come too?” Liam asked, casting a weary glance at Louis, probably trying to determine how intoxicated he was.

“No, it’s okay, I’ll be fine. See you later, Li.” He said, waving to both Liam and Niall who was busy making out with the redhead. 

The two boys made their way out of the house as quickly as the tightly pressed together bodies would allow. They finally got outside, breathing in the fresh air, glad that it was a little chilly out. Louis was still quiet as they walked, seeming to be stuck in his own head. He had his arms wrapped around himself and his teeth were chattering slightly.

“Cold?” Harry asked.

“A little.” Louis admitted. Harry immediately began shrugging out of his light jacket he had on, offering it to Louis once it was off. Louis took it and thanked him, putting his arms through the holes and rolling up the sleeves a bit since it was big on him. He looked adorable, but Harry would never admit it. They continued to walk in silence, Harry kicking small rocks as he walked. After a few minutes, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you okay? You’re more quiet than usual.” He asked.

“I’m fine.” Louis responded. Harry nodded and waited a few moments. Hoping he wasn’t about to overstep.

“Is it about Eleanor?” He asked slowly. Louis’ jaw clenched and unclenched a few times before he spoke.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“Lou,” Harry paused. “You know what I mean. Niall told me.” He said. Louis’ jaw clenched again but this time he didn’t relax, he also didn’t answer. Harry sighed and decided not to say anything either. He could see their dorm, they were about a block away now. They were quiet as Harry opened the front door for both of them. Quiet as they got into the elevator and pressed the button to their floor. Quiet during the ride up. Quiet as they stepped out of the elevator onto their floor. Quiet as Louis followed Harry to his dorm. Quiet as Harry unlocked his door and stepped to the side to let Louis into his room. Quiet as he closed and locked the door and as he set his keys on his desk. Quiet as they both sat down on Harry’s bed. 

“It doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.” Louis finally said. 

“Why are you still with her?” Harry asked.

“I need her,” He started. “My family really likes her.” He said.

“Do they know she cheats on you?” 

“No.” Louis said. Harry was quiet for a moment, mind racing. 

“Do you love her?” He asked. Louis didn’t answer right away.

“I do.” He said. Harry nodded, not entirely understanding Louis and how his mind works, but understanding it wasn’t his place to say anything. So he didn’t, he was quiet and he gave Louis the opportunity to say anything he wanted. But Louis didn’t say anything either, at least not for a while. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” Louis whispered. “I… don’t want to be alone right now.” 

“Of course.” Harry whispered back, feeling that if he spoke any louder, the room would shatter into a million pieces. Louis slipped his shoes off of his feet, pushed his jeans off of his legs, and took his shirt off, getting under the covers. Harry did the same, opting to keep his shirt on, and turned off the light, climbing into the bed next to Louis. 

He wrapped his arm around Louis waist, pulling him closer, as Louis rested his head on Harry’s chest, his hand resting lightly on Harry’s heart. Harry had to remind himself that this really didn’t mean anything, and that this was only happening because Louis needed someone to be there for him and he needed comfort. But his heart rabbiting in his chest didn’t really want to listen to his thoughts and he just knew Louis could hear it. If he could, though, he didn’t say anything about it. 

Harry began to lightly trace shapes into Louis back, pressing a little harder whenever he thought he might feel a small knot. Louis sighed and cuddled even closer to Harry, hooking his leg over Harry’s waist, making Harry’s heart jump in his chest yet again. 

They didn’t say anything else, the only sounds in the room being their breathing. After a while, Louis’ breath evened out and Harry could tell he had fallen asleep. It took a while longer for Harry to drift to sleep, as his mind was too loud. Thoughts about how much he liked having Louis next to him like this and how pretty he looked when he slept and how his stomach swooped when he thought about Louis’ leg around his waist swirled around his head. This situation was probably going to set him back a lot with the whole controlling his feelings thing, but honestly, it’s definitely worth it to be close to Louis in this way. Who knows when it’ll happen again. 

With that thought, Harry decided to just relax and enjoy it while it lasts. So he closed his eyes, pulled Louis even closer, and slipped into what would be a wonderful night of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, sorry it's shorter than usual though. Don't forget to leave comments and kudos! :) xx


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a few weeks since the party and since Louis slept over Harry’s for the first time. They don’t talk about it, or what it means, but it wasn’t the last time he slept over. They don’t talk about the other times either. The first day they woke up together, it was really quiet. Not awkward, just quiet. Harry had asked Louis if he was okay and Louis said yes and thanked him for being there. Then he got up, put his clothes back on and promised Harry he would text him later, which he did. And then everything went back to normal. 

Now it was November, a week before Thanksgiving break, and they were in the middle of midterm week. All the boys were fairly busy, studying and catching up on classwork. Most of the time, they would study individually, but today, they decided to study together. So, they were all sprawled around Harry’s room, asking each other random questions to be looked up or quizzing each other on their classes. 

Harry was sitting on his bed next to Liam, Niall was sat at Harry’s desk working on math equations, and Louis was laying on his stomach on the floor. His shirt had rode up a bit, exposing a stripe of tanned skin and the band of his boxers. This wasn’t a great thing for Harry, as he had been mildly turned on all day and the way Louis’ waist looked along with the way his mouth looked while he bit the end of his pencil was not helping. Harry pressed a hand against his crotch, trying to calm himself down. He felt Liam poke his thigh with his pencil and he looked over to him.

“You’re staring.” Liam mouthed with an amused look on his face. Harry felt his cheeks grow hot as he cleared his throat and looked down at his notes.

So, obviously he had been having a difficult time keeping his thoughts and emotions about Louis in check. It was a little difficult, to be fair, especially with how often he now shared a bed with Louis. But, he wanked. A lot. Usually whenever he wasn’t with Louis and that seemed to help him not go insane while he had this beautiful boy in his arms.

Today was one of those days. He loved his boys, but he was counting the minutes until they left so Harry could get a hand on himself before he exploded. Just thinking about it made Harry shift in his spot. Liam cleared his throat and Harry again turned to him, finding Liam with one eyebrow raised. Harry’s face again felt hot as he flashed an awkward smile at Liam. He rolled his eyes and closed his notebook, beginning to pack his things before speaking. 

“Alright lads, I’m famished. Anyone want to come with me to get food?” He asked, flashing Harry a knowing look. 

“Finally, I thought you’d never ask.” Niall said, dramatically packing his things.”

“I could go for some food,” Louis agreed. When Harry didn’t say anything or begin packing up, Louis looked at him. “You coming, Haz?” He asked. Harry shook his head. 

“No, I’m not super hungry, plus I’ve still got a ton of things to do, I’m gonna just stay here.” He said.

“Do you want me to stay? Or bring you food or something?” Louis asked. Liam placed a hand on Louis’ shoulder and gently began guiding him out of the room.

“Ah, he’ll be fine. He’s a big boy, he’s got it. See you later, H.” Liam said winking. Harry would have to get him some flowers, or a bottle of tequila or something. He really was wonderful. Harry waved to each of them as they made their way out of the room. As soon as the door clicked closed, Harry was shoving his jeans and boxers down past his knees and wrapping a hand around himself. Just the feeling of some of the pressure being released was enough to make Harry whimper a bit. He began pumping himself at a steady pace, leaning his head back and biting his lip at the feeling. He had the image of Louis’ mouth wrapped around his pencil fresh in his mind, replacing the pencil with his cock. A drop of pre-come leaked out and he used it to get some more slip, groaning lowly at the friction.

Harry had been hard pretty much all day and it felt so good his blood was rushing in his ears. Which is probably why he didn’t hear when the door clicked back open.

“Oh my God!” He heard. His hand immediately froze and his eyes snapped to the door, finding Louis also frozen with his jaw dropped. Staring directly at Harry’s cock. He had one hand on the door knob and the other one pressed against his side, his fist clenched. Harry jolted up from his position, scrambling to get his boxers back up.

“Louis!” He practically shrieked. At the sound of his name, Louis finally unfroze. He slapped his hands over his eyes but didn’t move from his spot. 

“Oh my God! Harry, I’m so sorry! I—“

“What are you doing here?” Harry yelled, still struggling to get his clothes back on.

“I’m sorry! I left my pen, I wanted to come back and get it. It’s my favorite pen—“

“Louis.” Harry groaned, putting a hand over his face which was burning.

“Yeah, sorry, not important. Keep the pen, consider it yours. So sorry, oh my God.” Louis said scrambling backwards and out of the room. Uncovering one of his eyes only to slam the door shut once again. Harry flopped back onto his bed and shoved a pillow on top of his face, hoping maybe it would kill him. 

He was mortified. 

His crush just walked in on him wanking. It’s a good thing Harry hadn’t said Louis’ name. Oh God, he would never be able to show his face again. He can’t ever show his face now. 

Harry groaned into his pillow and let himself wallow in self-pity. How exactly was Harry supposed to talk to Louis ever again? Even the thought of it was making him shrink further into his bed. What was Louis going to say? What did he think? Harry was just going to stay in his room forever. Maybe he’ll transfer to a different University. Wasn’t Liam supposed to be keeping them away? Harry uncovered his face and took out his phone and opened his texts, scrolling down to Liam’s name and typing out a message.

Harry: Liam

Liam: Done already?

Harry: Louis walked in on me

Liam: WHAT

Harry: Yeah, don’t want to talk about it.

Liam hadn’t answered for a couple long moments so Harry sent another message.

Harry: Hello?

Liam: I’m sorry I couldn’t type, I was too busy laughing.

Harry: You’re the worst. Weren’t you supposed to be keeping them away?

Liam: Sorry, he slipped out of the elevator just as the doors were closing, said he had to get something. I figured he meant something from his room. Oops.

Harry: Oops is an understatement.

Liam: What did he say?

Harry: Sorry. Like a lot. He also talked about how he left his pen in my room and that’s why he came back. Because it was his favorite pen.

Liam: He has a favorite pen?

Harry: That’s beside the point Liam.

Liam: Okay sorry. Now what though? 

Harry: I’m going to drop out of school and bury myself alive.

Liam: Don’t be melodramatic.

Harry: Has your crush ever walked in on you getting yourself off?

Liam: No.

Harry: Then I’m perfectly entitled to being melodramatic. 

Liam: Fine, be dramatic. You can’t drop out though, I’d be too bored. 

Harry: Fine, I’ll just lock myself in my room then. 

Liam: Have fun with that.

Harry didn’t reply. He also decided to stay true to his word and just stay in his room for the rest of the day. He didn’t do anymore studying, he knew there would be no way he could focus. Most of his work was done anyway, except for his English paper which he needed Louis’ help on. He would rather get a failing grade than ask him for help now. Instead, he decided to watch movies, hoping to distract himself from his burning embarrassment. 

It was pretty late now, Harry only having left his room to go to the loo, and to get food the had ordered. He thankfully didn’t run into Louis going either of those things. He was about to put in The Notebook when there was a knock on the door. Harry’s heart dropped immediately, hoping it wasn’t Louis. He walked to the door and slowly cracked it open, unfortunately meeting his favorite pair of pretty blue eyes. 

“Hey.” Louis said, smiling awkwardly and rubbing the back of his neck. Harry’s face immediately heated up, not being able to help it.

“Hello.” He managed.

“Can I come in?” 

“Um. Sure.” Harry said, opening the door wider and letting Louis through, closing it behind him. Louis sat down in Harry’s desk chair.

“What were you up to?” He asked.

“Was just about to watch a movie.” Harry replied. His face was still bright red. Louis nodded and cleared his throat.

“I don’t want you to feel awkward,” Louis started. “You’re a man and you have needs. It happens. Sorry I walked in on you.” 

“It’s fine. I should have locked the door.” Harry said.

“No, no. I should have knocked. It’s your room.” 

“I guess.” Harry said, chuckling awkwardly. 

“So, we good?” Louis asked.

“Yeah, Lou. We’re good.” He said. Louis smiled, toed off his shoes and hopped on Harry’s bed.

“Cool, what movie are we watching?” Louis asked. Harry rolled his eyes and climbed onto his bed, sitting next to him.

“The Notebook.” Harry said.

“Sound great.” He said, getting comfortable in Harry’s covers. Harry chuckled, shaking his head, pressing play on the little remote and also got comfortable next to Louis.

***

Harry had finished almost all of his midterms and they had all gone fairly well. He and Louis were finally back to normal again after the whole walking in situation. Niall and Liam had already gone home for the break, they had finished their midterms that day. Both Harry and Louis had one more midterm the next day. Now, the two boys were in Harry’s room watching yet another movie. Louis brought over Spider-man, but they weren’t paying much attention to it, talking to each other instead. 

“Do you prefer strawberry candy or actual strawberries?” Louis asked.

“I dunno. I like them both.” 

“No, but, like. If you could only eat one for the rest of your life, which would you choose?” 

“I wouldn’t choose either, I’d choose like salad or something.”

“What? No, not if you could only eat one thing forever, but, like, if you could only eat strawberry candy or actual strawberries, which would you choose?” Louis asked. Harry thought about it for a moment before answering.

“Actual strawberries, since it’s healthier.” Harry answered.

“Of course you would,” Louis laughed. “I mean, you did just say you would choose salad if you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life.”

“Hey, salad could be anything.” Harry defended.

“Please, elaborate.” Louis said smirking.

“Technically, a salad is just a whole bunch of food put together in a bowl with lettuce. I could do anything I wanted and call it a salad and it would count. Not to mention potato salads, and chicken salads, and tuna salads. Even guacamole could be considered a salad if you really think about it. I would be fine. And healthy,” Harry finished. Louis just stared at him. “What?” Harry asked, thinking he had something on his face.

“You’re absolutely nuts.” He said finally, laughing. Harry pushed at his chest and the older boy fell back against the bed, still laughing.

“I’m smart, that’s what I am. Meany.” Harry said crossing his arms. Louis popped his head up and looked at Harry.

“Aw, did I make curly upset?” He teased. Harry just turned his head away. Louis sat up and leaned toward Harry, then quickly wrapped his arms around Harry’s upper body. Harry still pouted, but Louis thought he could see him crack a smile for a second. “Come on Hazza. Smile for me,” He said. Harry almost did. He wasn’t sure when the new nickname appeared, but he really liked it. “If you don’t smile, I’ll have to force you,” He warned. Harry just poked out his bottom lip. “Okay, you’ve left me no choice.” Louis said, before shoving his hands underneath Harry’s arms and tickling his relentlessly. Harry immediately yelped and began laughing hysterically against his will. 

He shoved his hands against Louis, trying and failing to get away from him. Harry continued trying to escape the tickling, now laying down on his back. Louis climbed on top of Harry, his legs on either side of his waist and his hands now working on his stomach. Harry couldn’t breath.

“Okay! Ha ha ha! Louis! Ha ha! Stop!” He yelled.

“I told you I was going to force you!”

“Okay! Stop! Ha ha ha ha!”

“You have to say ‘Louis is the best, most handsome boy I know and he can always make me smile.’” Louis said, slowing his hands.

“Louis is the best, most handsome boy I know and he can always make me smile.” Harry said, panting. He had picked up Louis’ hands while he spoke so Louis could finally stop his tickling once and for all. It was then, that they both realized their position. The both blushed bright red and Harry dropped Louis’ hands, making his fall forward, his face mere inches from Harry’s.

“Oops.” Louis said.

Harry’s heart thumped loudly in his chest, as Louis’ breath fanned over his face. His eyes flickered to Louis’ lips then back to his eyes. 

“Hi.” Harry whispered. It felt like they stayed like that forever, when it reality it couldn’t have been more than a couple seconds. Louis looked at Harry’s lips and Harry can’t remember how to breathe. Louis began to lean down and close the gap between them. So slowly you wouldn’t realize he was doing it if you weren’t paying attention. There was just about an inch left between the boys and Harry was definitely not breathing. Just as Harry was closing his eyes and willing his heart to calm down, Louis’ phone rang loudly on the other side of the room. 

Louis snapped up quickly, nearly falling off the bed and Harry did fall off. Louis ran to his phone and answered it, as Harry tried to restart his heart.

“Hello?” Louis rushed, out of breath. “Oh, hey Eleanor,” Louis said, turning to look at Harry with bright red cheeks. Harry suppressed a groan, he was really beginning to not like this girl. “What’s up?” He asked. It was quiet for a moment while she talked on the other side of the phone. “Now?” He asked, glancing at Harry again. “Okay. No, that’s fine. Nothing,” He said, eyes flicking to Harry for a third time. “Yeah. See you soon. Love you too,” He said before hanging up. It was quiet for a moment. “That was Eleanor,” He said. Duh. Harry stayed quiet. “She, uh, needs help packing her car before she leaves tomorrow. So, I said I’d help. So, I’m gonna do that,” Louis said. Harry nodded, getting to his feet as Louis shoved his shoes on. Harry waited awkwardly next to the door, opening it when Louis had all of his things. He paused just inside the threshold. “So, um, I’ll see you later?” He asked. 

“Uh, yeah.” Harry said. His voice was rough so he cleared his throat.

“Okay. Bye.” Louis waved awkwardly and then he was gone. Harry closed the door and leaned his forehead against it. His life was getting way too complicated. This is the second time that his crush almost kissed him. His “straight” crush. Who has a girlfriend. He wasn’t even drunk this time so there wasn’t an excuse to fall back on. So, what is that supposed to mean? Does Louis actually like Harry or was he just imagining things? Maybe Harry had something on his face and Louis was going to get it off. With his mouth. Harry groaned and walked to his DVD player, turning off Spider-Man and shutting off the TV. Then he walked back to his bed and plopped into his, shoving his head in his pillow. 

What even was Louis? Why did he make things so confusing? Harry wanted to talk to him, get more clarity. But he wasn’t about to text him first and Harry wasn’t going to see him again tomorrow before he had to catch his train home. He just hoped Louis would text or call him and explain things. Maybe he would break up with Eleanor tonight and confess his love for Harry tomorrow. Harry could only dream. He checked his phone for the time and saw it was only 10:30, but he was suddenly incredibly tired. He kicked off his jeans and pulled his covers over his head and quickly fell asleep, dreaming of thin pink lips and blue eyes.

***

Harry had just finished his last midterm and he was headed back to his dorm quickly so he could pick up his luggage, then he would take a cab to the train station. He decided to call them taxi company now so they would be at his dorm by the time he was ready to leave. The man at the cab company said that a car would be in front of Harry’s dorm in 15 minutes to pick him up, so Harry picked up his pace so he could get his things quickly. 

He opened his room door and walked in, closing the door behind him. He walked around his room, double checking that he had everything that he needed and packing the few things that he missed. Then, he quickly texted his mom that he was leaving his dorm for the train station soon. He only had a duffel bag, since it wasn’t a very long trip and everything he needed could fit easily into one bag. 

He turned off his light and opened his door, only to be met with Louis , with his fist raised as if he were about to knock. Harry’s heart stopped for a moment, then went into hyper speed.

“Louis!” Harry said in surprise.

“Harry, hey. I’m glad I caught you. Are you about to leave?” He asked. Harry looked down at his bag, then back up at Louis.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “My train leaves in an hour,” He said, turning around and locking his door before looking back at Louis. “What’s up?” He asked, smiling slightly. His heart hadn’t slowed. Louis looked nervous and he was fidgeting with the sleeve of his grey sweater. Maybe he was going to ask Harry to be his boyfriend. 

“I don’t think we should be friends.” Louis blurted out. Harry’s heart sank and he felt as if the breath had been knocked out of him. 

“What?” He managed to get out. 

“I just think it would be better if we weren’t friends.”

“Why?” Harry asked. 

“I-“ Louis hesitated. “I just… don’t think we have a lot in common.” He said slowly. What? 

“Don’t have a lot in common? Louis, we’re the closest out of our whole friend group. What are you talking about?” Harry asked. Louis just looked down and shook his head. “Is this about last night?” Harry asked. Louis was quiet for a long moment. 

“I’m not gay, Harry. And I have a girlfriend, and I just don’t think it’s entirely appropriate. I can only assume you have feelings for me and that’s just not com-“ 

“Stop,” Harry said, holding up a hand. He was angry now, his brows pinched tightly together. “You’re the one who’s tried to kiss me twice, not the other way around.” He said.

“I was drunk.” Louis replied.

“You weren’t last night.” Harry said. Louis shook his head.

“Either way, I just don-“

“Shut the fuck up, Louis.” Harry said, surprising even himself with his language.

“What?” Louis said, eyes wide.

“This has nothing to do with the fact that I have feelings for you. This has everything to do with the fact that you’re gay and you’re in denial about it. You’ve tried to kiss me twice, you’re always touching me, you’re with me damn near more than you’re with your own ‘girlfriend’,” Harry said the word with air quotes. “The same girlfriend who treats you like shit and cheats on you. God, Louis, really. Get some balls and own up to your shit. You’re gay, so fucking what. So am I. But don’t drag me down because you’re too much of a pussy to be truthful to yourself and accept what you already know. I don’t have time to be on this rollercoaster with you. You don’t want to be my friend? Fine. You want to pretend you’re straight? Fine. But you will not bring me down with you when you ultimately drown in your own egotistical self-hatred. I’m tired of this. And I refuse to be in this situation again. So, fine. We’re not friends anymore. But actually stay away from me this time. I’m not going to keep doing this with you every time you slip up and let your feelings for me get the best of you. Figure your own shit out.” Harry said, shoving past the older boy and toward the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator.

“Harry, I-“ 

“Save it,” He said, interrupting him again. “I truly wish you luck. But I’ve heard this story before and I just can’t do it again,” At some point, tears had fallen over and were streaming down his cheeks. He scrubbed at them, trying to hold himself together. “Have a nice break, Louis.” He said, then he pushed the doors to the stairs open and bolted. 

He didn’t stop running until he was outside, where he spotted the cab that was waiting for him. He climbed in quickly and confirmed his name with the driver, then they were driving away. More tears had escaped his eyes and Harry wiped them away, not wanting to cry about this boy that wasn’t even his. 

But that was the thing. He was his. In every way but romantic, Louis was Harry’s, and Harry was Louis’. Harry knew he wasn’t the only one when he felt as if Louis was his other half. He had never clicked with someone like that. Connected with another human being right from the start as he did with Louis. He knew he never would again. Fate had a funny way of working things out. Making it so that the love of Harry’s life was straight, or at least pretending to be, and they couldn’t even be together. Putting him in the exact same situation that had ruined his trust in the first place. Harry shook his head. This was unbelievable. Harry’s phone began ringing and he saw that it was Louis. He ignored it. Louis just called again. He ignored it again. This went on for some time before Harry just decided to block Louis, so he wouldn’t get his calls or texts. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted him to stay away for good. 

The cab had pulled up to the train station and Harry thanked the man and paid him, slipping out of the cab and onto the sidewalk. He watched the cab drive away before he made his way into the station to wait for his train.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading so far, your comments make my day, please continue leaving them and kudos :)
> 
> had a dream last night that I got to hug Harry and spend time with him and just talk and his hug was so warm and wonderful and I woke up and it wasn't real and I'm probably more upset than I should be lol, anyone ever have dreams like that? 
> 
> anywho hope you enjoyed the chapter, update soon! <3


	5. Chapter 5

The train ride home felt like it went on for days and not just an hour. His mum could tell something was wrong and Harry knew it was taking everything in her not to pester him with a million questions. He would talk to her about it, just not right now. She asked him superficial questions; how was he, how was school, had he made any friends, what was his favorite class, how had his exams gone. He answered each of them just as superficially as she had asked. He just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and sleep, he didn’t care that it was early. 

Once they had gotten home, his mum insisted that he take his bag inside, and they were met at the door by his sister, Gemma, who hugged him enthusiastically and pressed a wet kiss to his cheek. He cracked a smile and hugged her back but even Gemma couldn’t lift his mood. He took his bag from his mum and trudged up the stairs to his room, setting his bag on his small bed and picking his pajamas to change into. He plopped down onto his bed and threw an arm over his eyes while he waited for dinner. He still hadn’t cried, but he could feel it bubbling in his chest with each breath he took. He just had to wait until after dinner was over and he could escape to sleep and be alone. 

There was a knock at the door and whoever it was didn’t wait for an answer before they walked in. Harry peeked from under his arm and saw it was Gemma and she was making her way to sit on the corner of his bed. 

It was quiet for a while, neither of them saying anything. Only the sound of their breathing cut through the silence. After a few minutes Gemma finally cleared her throat and Harry sighed in response.

“Tell me what happened.” She said simply. Harry shook his head minutely and didn’t respond for a while. Gemma waited patiently. 

“It almost happened again.” He finally answered. His eyes threatened to tear up but he took a few deep breaths and forced it back. He could almost feel the pity rolling off of his sister. 

“I’m sorry,” She said in a soft voice. “What do you mean, almost?” She asked.

“I stopped it before it could get too far.” He said. He felt her nod.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked. Harry shook his head.

“Not now.” He said. She nodded again.

“Dinner is ready.” She said and got up to leave. Harry uncovered his eyes.

“Gem,” He called, she stopped right as she was going to shut the door. “I love you.” He said. She cracked a small smile.

“I love you, too baby brother.” She said and closed the door behind her. Harry took another few minutes to himself before he got up and made his way downstairs to the dining room. His mom had made his favorite; breakfast for dinner. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, fruit, biscuits, all of the good stuff. He smiled a genuine smile. 

“Looks great, mum. Thank you.” He said. They ate and talked easily. Asking Harry again about his experience at school and how he was liking it. Harry mostly told the truth but very carefully left out one blue eyed detail. He had a good time at dinner and even stayed downstairs long enough for a movie. But eventually, he retired to his room to be by himself. For a while he just laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling, but eventually his phone buzzed on his desk where it was charging. He sighed and crossed his room and picked it up, seeing it was a text message from Liam.

Liam: Hey. Heard what happened, you okay?

Harry sighed again. It was only a matter of time before Louis called the other boys.

Harry: Not really, what have you heard?

Liam: Basically that you called Louis a closeted ego-maniac and cussed him out.

Harry: Pretty accurate.

Liam: I didn’t know such words were available in your vocabulary.

Harry: Fuck off.

Liam: Wow, don’t get too ahead of yourself with the swear words, you won’t be able to be the innocent one anymore.

Liam: Seriously though are you okay?

Harry: I’m fine. Just sucks I’m in this situation all over again, you know?

Liam: Yeah.

Liam: Want me to talk to him?

Harry: Do what you want. It won’t matter either way. I’m done with him.

Liam: Okay, Harry. I’m here if you need to talk.

Harry: Thanks Li, love you. xx

Liam: Love you. xx

Harry turned his phone off and placed it back on his desk, turning off his lamp on his way back to his bed. He climbed under the covered, put them over his head and curled into a little ball, finally letting the bubbling tears crash to the surface. He had to cover his mouth to ensure that he wouldn’t make any noise. Somehow, this hurt more than the first time, and he hadn’t even dated Louis. The thing that was most upsetting was saying goodbye not only to a potential life partner, but to the best, most deep and meaningful friendship he’d ever had. That thought sent another wave of sobs through his lips and he turned over to press his face into his pillow. 

That was how he’d fallen asleep, with his face shoved into his pillow, crying from the greatest loss he’d endured up to that point. 

***

The next couple days after that night had gone by uneventfully. It was mostly just eating and sleeping and watching movies with Gemma and going to the store to pick up whatever his mum needed for Thanksgiving dinner. His mums whole family were in town for the occasion and Harry was excited to see them, as he hadn’t in a long while. It was the day before dinner and Harry was at the store for the millionth time, picking up yet another item his mum needed when his phone rang. He took it out of his back pocket and looked at the screen to see that it was Niall calling. He frowned a little but picked up.

“Ni?”

“Hey, Harry.” He said.

“Hey. What’s up, you alright?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, I’m good, mate and you?”

“I’m alright. What did you need?” 

“I wanted to talk to you about Louis. He told me what happened.” Niall said. Harry sight and rolled his eyes, paying for the can of cranberry sauce and walking to the car as he talked. 

“Save your breath, Niall. I’m done with him.” Harry said. He could hear Niall sigh on the other line. 

“Harry, there’s something you need to know about Louis and his family.” Niall said. Harry paused, opening his car door and sitting in the drivers seat but not yet turning the car on. He’d never heard Niall so serious before. 

 

“Okay.” He said. It was quiet for a moment before Niall spoke again. 

“I’ve known Louis for my entire life. Or at least it feels that way. He was my first friend. I know everything about him. I was there when he learned how to ride a bike. I was there when he got into his first fight. I was there when he broke his arm. I was there when his nan died,” He paused, and sighed again. “I was also there the first time his piece of shit of a father hit him for the first time,” Niall said. Harry gasped aloud, and his hand flew to his chest. He was about to ask why when Niall went on. “The thing that you need to know about Louis’ father,” Niall started. “Is that he is hands down, the most homophobic person I’ve ever met in my life. Anything that had even the slightest whiff of being anything but completely straight and he hated it. Immediately. No questions asked. So, when he had heard when Louis was telling me about the first boy he found cute back in grade three, well he didn’t take too kindly to that,” Niall paused again, but Harry was at a loss for words and he kept quiet. “His father is not in the picture anymore. For a variety of reasons that I shouldn’t say because it’s not my place. But his mother divorced him after a… certain event that changed everyone’s lives forever. Do you understand what I’m saying, Harry?” 

Harry nodded, forgetting that Niall couldn’t see him. The he cleared his throat and shakily muttered out a yes. 

“Good. At the end of the day, it’s your decision what you do with your relationship with him, I just wanted you to hear that in case you needed help making that decision. You don’t know Louis’ whole story. But, I’d be willing to bet he’d want to share it with you at this point.”

“Why?” Harry whispered. His throat felt so dry he could barely make any noise. 

“He cares about you probably more than you are aware of. Give him a chance to tell you about himself.” He said. It was quiet for a moment.

“Did Louis ask you to tell me this?” Harry asked.

“No, I took it upon myself to cue you in because I think you guys could be great. But you both need to believe in and understand each other. Okay?” Niall said.

“Okay.” 

“Right, I gotta go then Harry. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay,” Harry said, as the line went dead. Harry slowly lowered his phone from his ear and leaned his head back against his seat. “What am I supposed to do?” He whispered to himself. He sat there for a minute, thinking about what Niall had just told him and trying to understand what he was supposed to do now. His phone buzzed and he half expected it to be Niall again. It was Gemma.

Gemma: Did you find the cranberry sauce? Mum’s asking.

Harry: Yeah, I found it. On my way home now.

He tossed his phone on the passenger seat next to him and backed out of the parking space, making his way back home, lost in thought. 

Harry had made it home, passed on the can of cranberry sauce to his mum and excused himself to his room. He felt as if his brain was moving so quickly but far too slowly at the same time. It made his head hurt.

He sat at his desk and stared blankly out of his window for who knows how long. His thoughts moving in circles. 

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do with what Niall had told him, or what it meant in the first place. 

He was startled out of his thoughts when there was a knock on his door. He swirled around in his chair and was met with Gemma peering into his room.

“Hey, dinner is almost ready,” She said. Harry modded, but didn’t really. They stared at each other for a moment, neither one speaking. “Are you okay?” She asked quietly. And Harry hadn’t realized how not okay he was until just then, and his eyes rapidly filled with tears. Gemma’s face flooded with concern and she quickly entered his room, closed the door behind her and rushed to Harry, kneeling down next to him.

“Harry, what’s going on?” She asked, trying to wipe away the tears that were falling too quickly for her to keep up. 

“I…” Harry tried, but his voice broke and more more tears fell. Gemma waited patiently, making small comforting sounds while Harry tried to pull himself together. Finally, after a few long minutes, Harry was confident he could speak. 

“A lot has happened in the last few months.” Harry said. Gemma smiled softly and nodded. 

“Tell me.” She said. And he did. He told her everything, from the moment he met Louis to him cursing him out a few days ago. She looked a little too pleased at that part to hear her too pleased at that part, to hear her too innocent little brother swearing at someone. Harry finished his story with what Niall had told him that afternoon. 

When he was finished, Gemma was quiet for a while, thoughtful.

“So, you like Louis guy?” She asked. 

“No.” Harry said bluntly. Gemma shot him a look.

“Are you saying that because it’s the truth of because you’re pissed at him?” 

Harry shook his head. 

“This is different.” He stated. 

“Harry, do you remember what you felt like before you came out? Or when you were discovering how you felt? Or as you were coming out?” She asked. A million memories and emotions flashed through Harry’s mind. He nodded. 

“What did you feel?” She asked. It took him a while to pinpoint the most prevalent emotion.

“Scared.” He finally whispered. 

“You were the most confident, freshly out queen individual I’d ever see. You were unapologetic about your identity. If people didn’t like it, you saw it as their loss, not yours. And yet, the biggest emotion you can recall, is fear,” she stated. Harry stayed quiet. “How do you think Louis feels?” She asked.

“He’s been the one leading me on,” Harry defended. “He’s the one making moves.”

“Harry Styles, don’t be daft. Everyone moves at their own pace. You can’t expect him to jump into this head first just for your benefit and because you want to. He’s probably terrified, you don’t know what he’s been through.” She said.

“He doesn’t know what I’ve been through either.”

“So tell him.” She shrugged.

“I-“

“You’re the more experienced of you two, Harry. You’ve gotta open the door.”

“But, I blocked him and everything. I feel like if I reach out, I’m giving in too easily.” He admitted. 

“Here’s the way I see it Harry, you have two options. You can either call him, talk this through and fix things, or you can continue to ignore him and end a potential relationship before it’s even started. I mean, you haven’t even kissed him yet. Aren’t you even a little curious?” She asked. Harry felt his cheeks heat up and he smiled slightly.

“I mean, yeah.” He said. 

“That’s all I’m saying.” She said and stood up, walking toward his door. 

“Hey Gem,” harry called, making her turn around. “Thanks.” He said. She smiled and shrugged, opening his door.

“Wash your hands for dinner.” She called over her shoulder as Harry’s door clicked shut again. He chuckled and did what she told. After his hands were dried he took out his phone, finger hovering over Louis’ name. Finally, he took a deep breath and pressed “unblock” and waited. 

It took a few moments but soon his phone was flooding with missed calls and text messages, all from Louis. Most of them were apologies, but some were a bit rude. Those messages were followed by even more apologies. Harry didn’t bother to read all of them, just typing out a simple message and pressing send before he could get second thoughts.

Harry: We need to talk.

He pocketed his phone and made his way downstairs for dinner. It buzzed sooner than he expected and Harry’s heart lurched. He looked at his phone with shaky fingers.

Louis: Okay, are you free now?

Harry: No, I’m about to eat dinner. We’ll talk after.

Louis: Okay. Enjoy dinner.

Harry: Thanks.

Harry put his phone back in his pocket, took a couple deep breaths and willed his heart to slow down before he walked the rest of the way to sit in his usual chair at the dinner table. 

Gemma looked at Harry and shot him an encouraging smile which he returned, then he dug into the chicken his mum had cooked.

“Mum, you didn’t have to cook tonight. You’re gonna be cooking all day tomorrow, pizza would have been fine.” Harry said. 

“It was no problem, love. I’ve only got you for two more days, I don’t mind giving you a few home cooked meals. I’m sure the food at the University isn’t all that great after a while. She said.

“You’re not wrong,” Harry laughed. “So, who’s coming tomorrow?”

“Just your grandparents and a friend from work who couldn’t make it home this year. Are you bringing anyone, Gem?” She asked. Gemma shook her head. “How about you, bean?” Harry’s mind flashed to Louis, but he shook his head as well. After that, Harry stopped listening, anxious to finish his dinner so he could go upstairs and talk to Louis. After what felt like a very long time, Harry scooped the last of the potatoes into his mouth and he stood up to wash his plate. 

“Oh, I can do that, Harry. Go relax.” His mum said.

Are you sure? He asked.

“Of course, don’t worry about it. I’ve got things in there organized in a very particular way anyhow. I’ve got it.” She said. Harry placed his plate back on the table and leaned down to kiss her cheek. 

“Okay, thank you, mum. Dinner was lovely.” He said before hurrying up the stairs and to his room. 

He closed and locked his door, plopped down on his bed and took his phone out of his pocket, dialing Louis’ number quickly. It rang twice before Louis picked up.

“Harry.” Louis said, sounded breathless. It had only been a few days, but hearing Louis’ voice again made Harry feel like he could breath easier. He tried to keep his voice cool.

“Hey.” He said. 

“Harry, holy shit, I’m so sorry. I was being a twat, I can’t believe how stupid I am. The terrible things I said — you don’t deserve that. I’m so-“

“Louis, stop.”

“What?”

“I said stupid stuff too. Honestly, I was more a jerk than you. Some of the things that I said were just plain means and I had no right to say them.” He said.

“It’s okay.” Louis replied.

“Okay.”

“So, am I forgiven?” He asked.

“Not exactly”

“But-“

“Louis, there’s some things you need to know about me. They’re not the most… pleasant.” Harry said. It was quiet for a moment.

“Okay.” Louis finally said. Harry took a couple deep breaths and he finally began to open up about his past..

“I came out when I was sixteen,” he started. He could hear shuffling on the other line, as if Louis were getting comfortable. He kept going. “It was terrifying, but for the most part, people accepted me and were happy I got the opportunity to by myself. A few people were hateful, but it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. I felt pity for them, that they had that much hatred in their hearts. It’s sad. But I knew those people didn’t matter and after a couple years, I would never see them again.

So, it was good. I was finally completely myself and people still loved me and it was good. And then I met Elijah,” Harry paused. This was usually the part that Harry became choked up and it was hard to speak. He took some calming breaths and had to clear his throat twice before he could continue. 

“Elijah was in my English class. We became quick friends, we were nearly inseparable. One day, Elijah kissed me when he dropped me off at home after we’d gone to see a film. He was my first kiss, and he became my first boyfriend. Elijah hadn’t come out yet though. So, our relationship was a secret. I was fine with that, though, because I had a boyfriend and I was excited.

Things could not be better. The only person who knew about our relationship was my sister. We had dated for a full 6 months before things got bad. It was the end of the school year, and Elijah and I were goofing around outside of the local grocery store. That was where we usually went to makeup and do stupid teenager stuff, and it was fine because no one ever went back there. Everything was fine and normal and we started kissing. A group of kids from school happened to decide to go to the back of the store to smoke or something and they saw us. Elijah panicked. Apparently, It was some of his teammates from his footie team, I don’t know. 

They started yelling at us and asking questions about if Elijah was gay and why were we kissing and it was all so overwhelming. Elijah was just denying everything and making up excuses. Before I could understand what was happening, the group of kids began threatening me and pushing me. I guess they decided that I was harassing their friend, or whatever. The pushing turned to hitting, the hitting turned to kicking. For a while Elijah just watched from the background, but then his friends egged him on and he joined them in jumping me. 

They called me every gay slur I’d ever heard. And some I never had heard. Including Elijah. After what felt like hours but was probably really only a few minutes, they stopped. A couple of them spit on me, but they all ended up walking away. Including Elijah,” Harry was quiet for a moment, thinking about the worst day of his life. Louis was quiet too. Harry cleared his throat and continued. 

“He tried to call me and apologize. I blocked him and never spoke to him again. Transferred schools and everything. It was the worst day of my life. It’s made me a much less trusting person than I was before.” Harry said, going quiet again. After a few moments, Louis finally spoke.

“I’m so sorry, Harry.” He said in a small but rough voice. 

“It’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you the story for you to pity me.” Harry said, laughing humorlessly. 

“So, why did you tell me?” 

“Because, Louis, I can understand if you’re straight. I can understand if you’re not straight but you’re scared to come out. I can understand if you need help and support to come out. I can do that for you. I will do that for you. I will be whatever you need me to be. But Louis, I will not be put in that situation again. I’ve been a secret once and you’ve heard where that got me. I think I deserve better. I know I deserve better. And I like you too much to subject either of us to a relationship like that. I want to understand you, to know you better. To show you what real love is like.” Harry finished, growing more desperate the more the spoke.

“Harry..” Louis said.

“Niall told me about your dad.” Harry blurted. The line went still.

“What?” He choked out.

“About how he hit you when you were little.” He said. Louis exhaled.

“Niall didn’t tell you the whole story.” He said.

“So, tell me.” Harry pleaded. 

“I…” Louis started. Harry held his breath.

“I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t. I really, really can’t. I can’t tell you the rest of the story and I can’t give you what you want.” Louis said. The breath Harry was holding rushed out of his mouth and his eyes filled with tears. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find something to say and failing. 

“Okay,” He said, his voice breaking. “Okay, that’s fine, Louis.”

“Harry, it’s not because I don’t care about you.” Louis said. 

“It’s okay. I understand. I won’t bother you again.” Harry said.

“Harry, I don’t want to lose you, just,” Louis groaned. “I just, can’t.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll see you at Uni.” Harry said, and hung up. Immediately throwing a pillow over his face and breaking out into ugly sobs. He hoped the pillow muffled his voice enough so that Gemma or his mum wouldn’t hear him. He was so stupid, couldn’t believe that he had just poured his heart out to this guys and told him literally the worst thing that’s ever happened to him and he thought that was automatically gonna make him love him back. Life wasn’t a fairytale or a fanficton or whatever it is that those types of things happened in. Louis was never going to love him and he was going to end up alone forever. 

He wanted a hole to open up in the earth and swallow him whole. He wanted to stay in his bed forever and never go back to Uni. He never wanted to run into Louis again. He never wanted to see anyone else ever again. But unfortunately, in two incredibly short days he’d be back in his dorm, down the hall from the boy who would never love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the chapter! keep leaving your kudos and comments :)


	6. Chapter 6

The two days that should have passed slowly and been relaxing passed incredibly quickly and was stressful. He couldn’t avoid the million questions about it he was seeing anyone or if he had met anyone special back at school. Gemma thankfully distracted everyone so Harry could wallow in self-pity without an audience. He’d also had about a trillion texts from Louis. He hadn’t bothered to block him this time, he just simply ignored them and eventually they stopped. 

Now, Harry was on the train back to school and he was nearly at his stop. He was dreading going back, to see anyone and to be stuck in his own lonely dorm room. His mom had packed him a lot of leftovers, so he could look forward to eating his sadness away but that was about all he could look forward to. 

The train began to slow down, so he gathered his things and made his way to the doors. The train finally stopped and Harry stepped down the stairs and onto the platform, heading in the direction of the dorms. It wasn’t a long walk but it wasn’t a short one either, and by the time Harry had made it to the door, he was shivering a bit, having left his jacket in his bag. 

He went through the door and to the elevator, pressing the up button then pressing the button to his floor once he was inside. Once the elevator was stopped and the doors opened again, he carefully peeked out and checked both directions of the hallway, checking if it was empty, before he fast walked to his door. He jammed the key into the lock and unlocked his door, stepping in quickly and closing the door behind him again. He took a deep breath when he was safely inside and began putting his things away. 

Once he was done he plopped onto his bed and got under his covers, not having anything better to do and definitely not wanting to go and see anyone, he decided to just go to sleep. He had class tomorrow anyway. 

***

The next few days went by slowly and uneventfully. It seemed as if Louis hadn’t returned from home yet, or at least he wasn’t in class and Harry hadn’t run into him at all. 

Harry was the most caught up with his assignments than he had ever been. He’d even started doing assignments for later in the term. He just had nothing better to do. Liam had made a new friend who was also into working out, so he didn’t see him as much anymore, and Harry assumed Niall was with Louis so he didn’t bother to reach out. But, Liam had promised Harry that they would have a movie night that night so that’s what Harry was doing now, waiting for Liam to come and playing Candy Crush on his phone. 

He had gotten all the way to level 34 when there was a knock at the door. He got up quickly, excited to see his friend, and opened the door. His stomach fell to his knees. Liam was not at the door, Louis was. His bright blue eyes meeting Harry’s green ones. Harry wasn’t breathing anymore. The two boys just stared at each other for a while, unspeaking. 

“What are you doing here?” Harry finally managed to get out.

“I broke up with Eleanor.” Louis said. Harry’s eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

“Why?” Harry asked.

“Because I’m gay.” He replied, and then he sprung forward and crashed his lips to Harry’s. It was nothing like the movies, where everything slows down and melts away and it’s just them two. No, Harry was hyperaware of everything going on. He could hear Candy Crush still playing on his phone on his bed. He could hear the group of guys in their room a few doors down shouting at some game. He could hear his own heartbeat thumping quickly in his chest. His skin was on fire, all of his nerves seeming to come alive all at once. And he could tell Louis felt exactly the same way.

Louis put a hand on his chest and pushed him backward carefully, kicking the door closed behind him and licking into Harry’s mouth. Harry struggled to keep his balance, throwing an arm around Louis’ neck to steady himself. He broke away from Louis a millimeter just to whisper incredulously, “What the fuck?”

Louis opened his eyes, and Harry could see tears gathering in them. 

“Please,” He begged. “Please, don’t talk. Just kiss me.” He said. So, Harry decided fuck it, they would talk later. He cupped both of Louis’ cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips to Louis’ again, spinning them around so now he was walking them backward and toward Harry’s bed. He walked until Louis fell backward onto the mattress and Harry fell on top of him. He quickly climbed up so he was straddling Louis and deepened the kiss. He could feel Louis kicking off his shoes so he could plant his feet on the edge of the mattress and push them further up on the bed so they were more comfortable. 

For a while they just kissed, licking into each others mouths and diving their hands into each others hair. Trailing kisses down each others necks and chests and making desperate little sounds. Then, Harry started getting more heated and he ground down into Louis’ hips, and Louis let out a loud groan.

“Sorry.” Harry whispered.

“Please do that again.” Louis pleaded. And he did. He began relentlessly grinding their clothed cocks together until Louis was practically crying.

“Can I touch you?” Harry asked breathlessly. Louis nodded quickly and Harry’s hands shot down to unbutton Louis’ jeans. Louis helped Harry push them down and over his feet, taking his boxers with them. Harry could practically feel his pupils dilate as he took in Louis’ cock.

“Jesus Christ, where have you been hiding that thing?” Harry asked, tracing a light finger along the shaft.

“Shut the fuck up.” Louis said, head thrown back at even the slightest touch. Harry licked his lips and wrapped his hand fully around Louis’ length, giving him and experimental tug, watching in fascination at how Louis reacted to him. He gave a couple more tugs before he couldn’t take it anymore and he leaned down and licked a strip from the base of Louis’ cock to the tip. 

“Fuck.” Louis whimpered, hands flying to Harry’s head. He gathered Harry’s curls into his fist so his hair wouldn’t get in his face and bucked his hips up toward Harry’s mouth. Harry took Louis’ tip in his mouth and sank down painfully slowly, making Louis let out a long whine. Harry stayed there at the base for a moment, letting his throat relax around Louis’ length before he began bobbing his head at a steady pace, swirling his tongue around the head when he had the chance. Louis was coming undone amazingly quickly, and the sight of him with his head thrown back and his mouth slightly parted in ecstasy was so hot, Harry couldn’t help but wrap a hand around himself and begin pumping his length in time with his mouth on Louis. 

Louis began thrusting upward into Harry’s mouth in sync and his moans were picking up. 

“Oh, God, Harry. I’m gonna come, please.” He pleaded. Harry popped off for just a second.

“Come.” He said, and opened his mouth so Louis could come on his tongue. Louis lifted his head and he and Harry locked eyes for a second before he was shooting hot white stripes into Harry’s mouth and on his cheeks. Harry took it all, quickening his pace on his own cock and spilling into his hand not too far after Louis. He wrapped his lips around Louis’ head again just to make sure he sucked every last drop out of him, making Louis twitch and whimper. Harry finally let Louis fall out of his mouth and he pressed a light kiss onto Louis thigh, then his tummy, then his chest, and finally his lips, before getting up and looking for a flannel to clean up. 

Louis watched Harry as he cleaned himself up and found a pair of sweatpants to change into, since he’d gotten come on his jeans. He quietly put him own clothes back on and laid back down on Harry’s bed, looking at the ceiling. Harry sat down crosslegged next to him and waited, knowing Louis had something on his mind. 

“You alright?” He asked. Louis looked at him and nodded. 

“You’re really good at that.” Louis said. 

“Thanks,” Harry said, blushing. It was quiet again for a moment. Louis opened his mouth to speak, but there was a knock at the door so he closed his mouth again. “Shit, it’s Liam. Hang on.” He said, getting up and padding over to the door, opening it slightly to be met with Liam.

“Hey, H.” He said smiling brightly. 

“Hey, Li. I know we were gonna have a movie night but I have to rain check. Something came up.” Harry said apologetically. 

“Everything okay?” Liam asked concerned. 

“Yeah, yeah. Just, er, Louis is here.” Harry said. Liam finally seemed to take in Harry’s appearance. His hair probably incredibly messy and even Harry could feel his cheeks were warmer than usual. He probably screamed ‘I just had sex’. Liam smirked. 

“Yeah okay, no worries. Text me later,” He said pointedly. “Hi, Louis!” He called, before walking back to the elevator to go back to his floor. Harry closed and locked his door and walked back to Louis.

“I didn’t know you had made plans already, I’m sorry. I should have called or something.” Louis said. 

“I don’t mind,” Harry said. “Had a lot more fun doing what we just did than I would have watching The Matrix,” He joked. Louis cracked a smile but it disappeared quickly. “Talk to me.” Harry whispered. Louis’ eyes closed and he took a deep breath. 

“I don’t know where to start.” He said.

“How about the beginning.” 

“Alright, so I was born on December 24, 1991-“

“Maybe not that far.” Harry said. They both laughed and the tension seemed to dissipate a little. 

“I need to tell you the rest of the story that Niall started,” He said. Harry nodded and waited. “But I don’t want you to look at me while I tell you.” He said. Harry nodded again then motioned for Louis to move over. He did and Harry laid down and opened his arms, inviting Louis to cuddle him. Louis smiled softly and laid his head down on Harry’s chest, swinging a leg over his waist, and resting his hand on Harry’s tummy. He was quiet for a long while and Harry just waited patiently, wanting Louis to feel as comfortable as possible to tell this story. Louis took a couple deep breaths. “Okay. So, my dad hit me.” He started.

“Yeah, Niall told me.” Harry said. Louis shook his head.

“No, I mean more than once. It was quite a lot when I got to secondary school. My dad, as I’m sure Niall has told you, really really didn’t like anything gay. At all. I was aware of this and tried really hard to keep myself in check. And I did, for a while. Then I got a crush on this guys, and we hung out a lot more. It was super innocent, we were just friends and I never tried to make it anything more, no matter how much I wanted to. But one day, I slipped. We were hanging out around town and somehow ended up holding hands. It was nice so I didn’t let go. I’m not sure how it happened but somehow my dad heard or saw or I don’t know. I just know that I got home and he beat me the worst he ever had for the first time in a long time. I couldn’t go to school for two weeks because I had to wait for the cuts and bruises to heal. He slapped me around everyday, just to make sure I knew that he still felt the same way. To put me in my place. That’s where Eleanor came in. I figured if I had a girlfriend, he would have no reason to hurt me anymore, and I was right. So, I stayed with El, and I kept myself hidden.

My mum as divorced him for a multitude of other reasons, but she never knew about him hurting me. She doesn’t know that I am… the way that I am. I don’t know how she’d react if she ever found out. Nobody knows. I think Niall suspects, though. But, yeah. That’s why I’ve kept myself hidden.” He finished. During his story Harry simultaneously pulled him closer. He was sure he had edited a little bit to make it sound much less horrible than it was, but Harry’s heart still clenched thinking about a younger Louis, all beaten and bloodied and scared to be himself. Harry’s eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t speak for a moment. 

“I’m so sorry, Louis.” He choked out. Louis raised his head a little to look at him.

“Are you crying?” 

“No.”

“So, you’re crying and lying?” Louis asked. Harry couldn’t help it and he cracked a small smile.

“I’m only crying because the thought of you being hurt makes my heart hurt and I can’t take it. I never want to see you hurt, Lou. I wish I could hurt your dad and give him what he deserves.” Harry finished, his fists clenched. Louis touched them softly so they relaxed and he tangled their fingers together. It was quiet for another moment. 

“I don’t want to hide anymore, Harry,” Louis whispered. “But, I’m scared.” 

“Okay, Louis, okay. I’ll help you if you want it. I’ll support you, I’ll be right there,” He said. Louis nodded and hugged his torso tighter, burying his face into Harry’s neck. Harry took that as a sign that he was done talking, so he pulled the cover up over their shoulders and kissed the top of his head. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, ever again.” He vowed, to both himself and to Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay they're communicating! hope you enjoyed the chapter, sorry it's shorter than usual. keep leaving your comments and kudos, I'll update soon :)


	7. Chapter 7

The two boys stayed in bed for the rest of the night. Kissing and talking and flirting and touching and snoozing every now and then. It felt exactly right, this is how Harry imagined it would be with Louis, easy. Every time Louis looked up at Harry silently asking for a kiss, though, Harry had to take a second to remember how to breathe, then another second to remember how to move, before he pressed his lips to Louis. There was no other way to describe kissing Louis than perfect. They were perfectly right for each other. Opposites in all the right ways, similar in all the better ones. When the Day Met the Night by Panic at the Disco is the song Harry imagined when he thought of the two of them together. 

He began humming then song while he did some homework at his desk and Louis watched a movie. He had almost got to the chorus when Louis came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing his cheek. Harry smiled and looked back so he could return the kiss. Louis stepped around so he could perch himself on Harry’s lap and look at what he was doing. 

“You’re doing homework?” Louis asked quietly. They’d been talking quietly since Louis’ story for some reason. Feeling like they had to or their perfect little bubble would pop and it would all disappear. 

“Yeah, just a bit.” Harry said, rubbing soothing circles into Louis’ lower back with his thumbs. 

“It looks like a song.” Louis said. 

“It is,” Harry began to trail soft kisses up and down Louis’ neck, and Louis leaned a little bit more into him. “It’s for my Music Theory class.” 

“Can I hear it?” Louis asked.

“No.” 

“Why not?” Louis asked, turning around to look at Harry and placing his arms onto Harry’s shoulders. Harry placed his hands onto his hips in response.

“It’s not ready yet.” He said.

“I don’t care, I still wanna hear.” 

“Don’t worry, you will. I just want it to be perfect first.”

“How come?” Louis said, beginning to play and tug at the hair at the nape of Harry’s neck.

“Because it’s about you.” Harry said. Louis froze for a second, looking deep into Harry’s eyes, frowning slightly.

“You wrote a song about me?” Louis asked slowly. Harry nodded and the two stared at each other for a few seconds before Louis leaned in and pressed the sweetest kiss to Harry’s lips. Harry immediately kissed back, hands gliding down Louis’ back. The kiss slowly morphed from something sweet and slow, to something intense and desperate. Louis’ hands diving into Harry’s curls and pulling, earning a low moan from Harry as his hands slid down past the waistband of Louis’ briefs. 

Louis began grinding these painfully slow little circles into Harry’s hips and Harry was absolutely sure he was going to lose his mind. He was hard almost embarrassingly fast. He squeezed Louis’ ass and groaned, tilting his head back as Louis began peppering kisses down his neck. Harry wasn’t sure when it happened, but Louis went from sitting in Harry’s lap innocently, to filthily straddling him in his desk chair. Louis kept grinding into Harry’s crotch and Harry just couldn’t. He gripped the backs of Louis’ amazing thighs and he stood up, walking both of them to his bed. 

“Jesus Christ, that’s fucking hot.” Louis whispered as Harry laid him down on his bed. Harry ignored his and worked on pulling his and Louis’ clothes off, trailing kisses down his chest and stomach. Louis arched under Harry in pleasure before helping Harry with the clothes. Once they were both gloriously naked, Louis grabbed Harry by the waist and flipped them over, so now he was on top, in between Harry’s legs, licking into his mouth. He ran his hands up and down Harry’s sides, gripping his waist hard enough, Harry was sure he was going to have bruises in the morning. Having his legs around Louis’ waist was making his feel more needy for something than usual. 

“Louis, touch me please.” Harry pleaded. 

“Where?” Louis asked, voice rough. 

“I just- I don’t know. Everywhere, just, everywhere. Just touch me. I want your hands and fingers.” Harry said, and Louis’ hands froze. 

“I- I don’t know how to do that. I’ve never done this stuff before.” Louis said, face slowly heating up. Harry’s head immediately cleared out of the sexually driven fog it was in.

“Okay, I can show you. If you want?” Harry offered. Louis nodded and sat back on his heels. Harry instructed him to lay down on his back and relax as much as he could, while he went into his desk drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube. 

“You know, for a virgin, you seem to be good at doing a lot of things.” Louis noted, his voice just slightly higher than it usually was. Harry smiled and shrugged. 

“Elijah and I experimented a lot before things went bad,” He said, crawling back onto the bed and in between Louis’ legs, dropping the bottle next to Louis’ waist. “I’m gonna eat you out, then I’m gonna finger you till you come, okay?” Harry said, his voice already deeper than usual. Louis gasped and nodded, laying his head back on the pillows and closing his eyes. 

Harry spread Louis’ cheeks so he could see the pink little ring of muscles. He gave an experimental kitten lick, just to see Louis’ reaction. Louis gasped and shifted a little closer to Harry’s mouth. Harry licked him again, bolder this time, his face pressing close to Louis’ hole. That earned a much louder groan from Louis. He lapped at him over and over until Louis was panting and gripping Harry’s hair.

“You okay?” Harry asked.

“Jesus- fuck. Yes. Don’t stop. So good.” He begged, hands in Harry’s hair tightening. Harry chuckled and continued licking into the beautiful boy. He stopped to suck some bruises into Louis’ thighs and Louis was responding so well to him. He popped open the bottle of lube and spilled some onto his fingers, using one finger to circle Louis’ hole while he was relaxed. Louis jumped at the new feeling, tensing up.

“Relax.” Harry said softly, still sucking hickies into his thighs. Louis tried his best and Harry pressed a bit more firmly into Louis, the very tip of his finger going inside. Louis gasped but didn’t say anything, Harry watching him. After a moment Louis nodded and Harry pressed his finger deeper, now up to the first knuckle. He left Louis’ thighs and went to his balls, sucking on them and trying to coax Louis to relax a little more. That seemed to do the trick because Louis let out a low moan and Harry could feel him relax. He took the opportunity to push his finger all the way in slowly. He stayed still for a moment.

“Good?” He checked in. Louis nodded rapidly and Harry grinned then focused again. Moving his finger almost all the way out before pushing back in again, never taking his eyes off of Louis face. He was breathing quickly, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. Harry pulled out and pushed in again, smirking when Louis’ mouth opened just slightly wider in a silent moan. He began to pump in and out at a steady pace, before adding his tongue to lick around his finger. Louis began to move in time with Harry’s finger, fucking himself. Harry carefully and slowly pushed in a second finger, pausing to allow Louis to get used to it, then continuing his pace. 

Louis looked beautiful this way. Hair fanned out on the pillow, face and neck flushed pink, his parted lips also bitten pink. Eyes closed and brows pinched together in concentration. Harry could look at this image for the rest of his life. Harry continued pumping his fingers in and out of Louis and he licked up Louis’ shaft, earning a loud moan from Louis. He used his free hand to pump Louis’ cock while he sucked at the head. After that it didn’t take long for Louis to come apart. Louis’ eyes rolled to the back of his head as he came down Harry’s throat, Harry sucked him through it, making sure he got every drop, before popping off and taking his fingers out slowly. He kissed Louis’ hip before getting up and finding the flannel they’d used earlier to wipe his fingers. He looked back and Louis was completely still, eyes still closed.

“You okay?” He asked. 

“I feel like I have no bones,” He said, making Harry laugh. “I’ve never come that hard in my life. You must be a sex demon here to steal my soul and drag it down to hell.” He said, cracking an eye open and grinning at Harry. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Harry said laying down next to Louis. Louis looked down at Harry’s cock and saw that he was still painfully hard, leaking a little pre-come. He didn’t say anything as he slid down Harry’s body, pressing kisses to his body as he went, and swallowed Harry down in one go. It took even less time for Harry to come but to be fair he’d been hard the whole time and didn’t touch himself at all. Plus he’d been fantasizing about Louis’ mouth for months and now that he’d finally gotten it, it was better than he imagined. So. No one can judge him. 

After he’d come down from his orgasm, Louis laid next to him again and kissed him, both of the boys tasting themselves on their tongues. Harry hummed into Louis mouth and pressed one more kiss to his lips, smiling like an idiot. He took Louis’ hand and tangled their fingers together, kissing his fingertips. 

“What are you smiling about?” Louis asked.

“I’m just happy. You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” Harry said.

“Oh really? Fantasizing about me? Ever wanted to me?” Louis asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

“Oh definitely. Enough times to seem borderline obsessed.” Harry said. Louis chuckled and then his face went serious. 

“Harry,” He said. Harry hummed again, tracing shapes into Louis’ bare side. “How did you come out?” Louis asked. Harry’s hands went still and he looked at Louis’ face before answering. 

“I told my family first. I want unbelievably scared. I came up with a whole plan to move out if they didn’t accept me. I cooked them dinner and we were sitting around the table all talking and I just said it. ‘Mum, Gem, I’m gay. I like boys.’ They were quiet for a while and the longer they were quiet the more my heart sank. Like I knew it was a possibility for them to not love me anymore, but I didn’t really think it would happen. But then they both laughed a little and told me they knew. That they’d known since I was little and that they didn’t care and that they loved me. 

After that I decided I didn’t care about what other people thought, as long as I had my family. I wanted to be myself, and love who I loved. So, the next day I went to school and told my friends. They still loved me too. I’m incredibly fortunate because I know not everyone has as much support as I did. I’m so grateful to the people I have in my life, I don’t know what I would have done without them. But yeah, after that, Elijah and I started dating and I was out and the whole awn knew. About me, not him, obviously. And of course I had people call me names and try to spread hate but I didn’t care about them, because I was never going to see them again after I was out of school. So. yeah.” Harry finished, smiling a little at Louis, who was staring. He took in Harry’s little story for a few long moments. Then he looked back at Harry and had had both fear and determination in his eyes. 

“I want to come out. I want to be brave like you. I want to tell my mum.” Louis said. 

“Are you sure?” Harry asked and Louis nodded. Pride burst so explosively in Harry’s chest and couldn’t help but grin and jump on top of Louis, straddling his hips and pulling him into a crushing hug. He kissed his cheeks and nose and forehead and lips and eyelids and anything he could get his mouth on. He hadn’t realized he was crying until he saw the moisture on Louis’ cheeks. “I’m so fucking proud of you.” He said, voice rough. 

“Harry Styles, watch your profanity.” Louis said, looking up at Harry with his own tears in his eyes. Harry laughed and just hugged him again. And that’s how they fell asleep, wrapped tightly in each others arms, giggling and kissing lazily, the happiest either of them had been in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! So sorry for the late update, today is my only day off and I had a million things to do and errands to run and I had to clean my apartment as well so yeah. hope you enjoyed the chapter though, yay for bravery! keep leaving your comments and kudos, they make my heart smile :) talk soon


	8. Quick Update

Hi all, this is just a quick message to update you guys. so sorry that I’ve been the absolute worst author and haven’t updated, the last few weeks have been insane. I’m a camp counselor during the day and I have work at night and i get home exhausted and i just fall asleep immediately and do it all the next day. I actually don’t have a day off for the next two weeks. I promise I’m not abandoning this story, I’ve just literally had zero time to continue writing it. Please continue to be patient, i appreciate it so much and love you guys with all my heart for still enjoying this story. Talk soon <3


	9. Chapter 8

Harry was the first on the two to blink his eyes open the next morning. He yawned and stretched, earning some satisfying pops from his spine and other joints, then he looked at the body next to him, still tangled with his own. 

Louis’ eyes were still closed, his breathing deep and even. His eyelids looked so soft and delicate, tiny veins trailed their way through the thin skin. His eyelashes fanned across the tops of his cheeks, Harry hadn’t noticed how long and pretty they were. His thin pink lips were parted slightly, looking like they were made out of the softest material on earth. He looked so peaceful. So at ease. Harry could look at this picture of Louis for the rest of his life and die happy. He reached out a feather light finger and traced Louis’ bottom lip. Then he stroked his cheekbone, fingertips grazing Louis’ soft eyelashes. 

He trailed his hands down Louis’ arm to his hand, where it was resting across Harry’s tummy. He picked up his hand and flipped it over, beginning to trace the lines on Louis’ palm. He was mesmerized by this boy. He could do this forever if Louis will let him. 

Harry looked back up at Louis face and jumped a little when he was met with bright blue eyes. He recovered quickly, a soft smile appearing on his face.

“Good morning.” He whispered. Louis’ face split into a slow smile.

“Good morning,” He whispered back. “What are you doing?”

“Admiring you.” Harry said without missing a beat. A soft blush spread across Louis’ cheeks and he opened his mouth just to snap it closed again. He tried again.

“Why?” He asked slowly. 

“Because you’re beautiful.” Harry answered quickly again. Louis wrinkled his nose and covered his face with his hands.

“Stop it.” He said, voice muffled by his hands. Harry pulled his hands easily off of Louis’ face and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips and placing both hands on either side of Louis’ face. 

“No. I won’t stop. As long as you want me, I will never stop making sure you know how beautiful you are.” Harry said seriously. Louis searched Harry’s face for a long while, and whatever he saw, he seemed to like, because he grinned, blushing lightly again. 

“I think… I want that for a long time.” Louis said. Harry grinned back at him.

“Yeah? A long time?” 

“A very long time.” Louis nodded. Harry grinned and leaned down, pressing his lips to Louis’. They kissed for a while, not caring about morning breath or bedhead. Harry thought, for the millionth time just that morning, that he could do this for the rest of his life. They kissed until Louis’ stomach growled loudly, making them both laugh and Louis blush.

“Breakfast time for the kitten.” Harry said, getting up and looking for a pair of sweatpants. 

“Excuse me? I’m not a kitten.” Louis defended. 

“Louis have you seen yourself? You’re the definition of a kitten. Especially right now, when you look all soft and your hair is messy.” Louis’ hands immediately flew to his hair, attempting to smooth it down, making Harry laugh and shake his head endearingly. He finally found the sweats he was looking for and he pulled them on along with a band tee. Then he picked out a second pair of sweatpants and a sweater and tossed them to Louis who also got dressed. Harry looked at Louis who had just finished pulling on his shoes and smiled. 

“What?” Louis asked.

“Those things are too small on me but you swim in them. It’s cute, that’s all.” Harry shrugged, opening the door for Louis and ushering his out, locking his door after them. 

“You know this whole morning has made me feel less than manly. First you call me a kitten and now you’re calling me cute because your clothes are massive.” Louis said, pushing the elevator button.

“You are the manliest man I’ve ever met.” Harry said, grinning. 

“And you are full of shit.” Louis said, poking Harry’s side and earning a loud cackle. They made their way to the dining hall hand in hand, earning a few looks of astonishment. Harry could tell that Louis was a little uncomfortable but he just held his hand even tighter, trying to reassure Louis as best as he could. 

They picked out a table, then went separate ways to find their breakfasts. Harry was scooping strawberries into his bowl of oatmeal when Liam came up next to him, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Ouch.” Harry said, rubbing his side.

“Sorry. Hi. Spill.” Liam said quickly. Harry blushed, and and looked back down to his bowl, trying to hide his smile.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He said. Liam elbowed his side again. “Ouch.” 

Liam didn’t apologize this time. “Seriously? You were supposed to text me last night when Louis left. I never got a text,” Liam said, placing his hands on his hips. Harry didn’t respond, he just looked at Liam. Liam’s eyes slowly widened. “Oh my gosh. He never left. He slept over didn’t he?” He asked, his voice getting higher with every word. 

Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to where the orange juice was, picking out a cup and filling it. “I don’t know why you’re freaking out, we’ve had sleepovers before. It’s nothing new.”

“Are you guys dating now?” Liam blurted, following Harry as he began walking back to his and Louis’ table, Louis was already sitting down and eating his pancake. 

“No.” Harry answered. 

“So, what’s going on then?” Liam demanded. Harry stopped just outside of earshot from Louis.

“Liam!” He shouted. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and restarted. “Liam, I can’t tell you right now okay? It’s not my place. Just, things are better, okay? We made up. Things are good. That’s all you need to know right now.” Harry said. Liam searched Harry’s face for a moment then nodded.

“Okay, okay. Sorry for pestering. I’m gonna go get some food, then can I join you and Louis?” He asked. 

“Of course, Li. Just, no 20 questions okay?” Harry said. Liam smiled and nodded then turned and went to find himself some breakfast. Harry took a deep breath and finally walked the rest of the way to the table, plopping down in the chair next to Louis. 

“Where’s Liam going?” Louis asked.

“To go get breakfast.” 

“Oh, is everything okay? You seemed a little pissed for a moment there.” He asked.

“Yeah, everything is fine. He was just asking questions that I couldn’t answer yet. No worries.” Harry said, smiling at Louis and squeezing his hand. Louis smiled back and continued eating his pancake just as Liam came up to their table with a plate heaping with food. 

“Jeez Liam, you hungry?” Louis asked, watching Liam dig into his mountain of food. 

“Z and I are trying to bulk up right now. Or, he is, but I’m just doing it for support.” He said, shoving a piece of bacon in his mouth. 

“We still haven’t met this ‘Z’ person, you know?” Harry said. Liam blushed and swallowed hard around his food.

“Uh, yeah. You will, just not yet.” He said.

“Why’d you blush, Liam?” Louis asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I didn’t.” Liam blurted quickly, his cheeks turning an even deeper red.

“You’re blushing even more now.” Harry said, smirking.

“Shut up.” Liam said, shoving multiple forkfuls of food into his mouth so he couldn’t talk. Louis and Harry laughed but changed the subject. 

They finished their breakfasts and parted ways, promising Liam that they would all hang out together again soon, and Louis and Harry made their way back to Harry’s dorm. 

“So, I have a little bit more homework to do, but, I can wait to do it if you’d like to call your mom,” Harry said, looking at Louis who frowned a little. “But, don’t think I’m pressuring you to do it before you’re ready. I just want you to know I’m here to support you whenever you did want to do it, whether that be now or in six months from now.” Harry said quickly. 

“No,” Louis started, shaking his head. “No, I wanna do it today. I mean, if not today then when? Feel like I kind of have to rip off the bandaid.” Louis said, meeting Harry’s eyes. 

“You’re sure?” He asked. Louis nodded his head but didn’t respond, so Harry just took Louis’ hand in his and squeezed it. 

They made their way up to Harry’s room in silence. Harry unlocked his door and Louis walked right to his bed and sat down, crosslegged, with his phone in the palm of his hand. Harry locked the door behind them, and joined Louis on the bed. It was quiet for a moment, Louis staring at his phone, Harry staring at Louis. Then Louis unlocked his phone, pulled up his mother’s contact information, and clicked ‘call’. They sat while the phone rang, until finally, a sweet high pitched voice answered on the other end. 

“Hello, my love! How are you?” The voice said. Harry continued to watch Louis. It looked like he wasn’t breathing, so Harry, very gingerly, placed a hand on Louis’ leg. Louis immediately unfroze and took a deep breath. 

“Hi mum. I’m well, and you?” 

“Good, good. Cleaning up the kitchen after breakfast, you know how messy your sisters are. Haven’t heard from you in a while, love. How’s school?” She asked. Harry could hear the clanking of pots and dishes in the background as she worked. She sounded like a very sweet woman, he hoped that assumption wasn’t about to change.

“School’s good, mum.” Louis said. She seemed to have picked up on Louis’ mood, because things suddenly got very quiet on the other end. There was a brief pause.

“You okay, honey?” She asked. 

“Um, I need to talk to you about something.” Louis said. It was quiet for another moment. 

“Is El pregnant, Lou?” She asked quietly. Louis suddenly laughed very loudly. He almost sounded manic, Harry noticed worriedly. 

“Eleanor is not pregnant, mum. Not by a long shot.” Louis said, still chuckling slightly. 

“Well don’t give me a heart attack, Jesus, Louis. What is it? What’s going on?” She asked. 

“I broke up with Eleanor.” He said. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Bub. What happened?” She asked in a sweet, sympathetic voice. 

“Just… I’m-“ Louis sighed and closed his eyes. “I don’t like girls mum.” He said. He took Harry’s hand and squeezed hard. Harry squeezed right back, holding his breath for her reaction.

“Huh?” She asked. 

“I’m gay.” He said. And it was out there.

“Aw, boo. I know.” She said immediately. Louis’ eyes flew open.

“What? What do you mean you knew?” He asked. 

“I’ve known since you were a boy. I was just waiting for you to realize it as well.” She said. The clanking in the background had resumed. 

“How did you know?” Louis asked. 

“Oh I knew you had a crush on that little boy from your school. I thought it was cute. I was surprised when you got to secondary school and you started dating Eleanor honestly.”

“I didn’t want to do that. I had to.” Louis said, sadly.

“Oh, I know, honey. Why do you think I divorced that horrible man. After I found out he’d been hurting you, I’d never blown up on someone so bad before. Kicked him out that same day. No one hurts my boy,” She said. Louis couldn’t respond, it seemed like his words were stuck ins throat. Harry watched him as his eyes rapidly filled with tears. He quickly scooped Louis into his lap and wiped away the tears that were falling rapidly. “Baby, why’re you crying?” His mom asked, concerned again.

“I thought you were going to hate me. I didn’t know you knew about him hurting me. I didn’t know that was why you got rid of him.” Louis said, hiccuping between sentences. 

“No, boo. I love you. More than anything. I’m a mum, and mum’s protect their babies, no mater who they love.” She said. That sent Louis isn’t a whole new round of sobs.

“I love you.” Louis said, once he could breath again. Harry just hugged him as tightly as he could. 

“And I love you, Louis,” She said. She waited a few minutes for Louis to calm down some more before she spoke again. “So, is there a boy?” She asked. Louis and Harry both chuckled.

“Yeah, there is. He’s wonderful. His name is Harry.” He said, looking up at Harry with stars in his eyes. 

“When will I meet him?” She asked. Louis shrugged. 

“I’m not sure, mum.” He said. 

“Well, soon, I hope. I want to meet the person who helped my boy be so brave. I’m proud of you honey.” She said. Harry hugged Louis a little tighter, he was proud of Louis, too.

“It’ll be soon, I promise. But, I’ve gotta go, mum. Got homework to do.” Louis said. She agreed and threatened violence if she didn’t meet Harry soon, and then she was gone. Louis and Harry were very still and very quiet for a few long moments, Harry could feel Louis shaking slightly in his lap. Then Louis took a deep breath, looked up at Harry and said, “I did it.” And Harry couldn’t help but break into a smile that hurt his cheeks and tackle Louis into a giant bear hug on the bed. He smashed his mouth onto Louis’ in a huge kiss, then peppered kisses all over his face. 

“I’m so proud of you. You did it! And it worked out! You don’t have to hide anymore!” Harry shouted and Louis laughed and kissed Harry again, and for the first time in both of their lives, everything was absolutely perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I'm back! The story isn't done yet, though it's ending pretty soon. I'm thinking another chapter or two then an epilogue, but we'll see. Hope you enjoy! Thanks for sticking with me :)


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